Fantasy Dork Central

Week 8 Preview; bye weeks Seattle, Atl, Indy and Jets

Halloween Weekend




Looks and Touches Week 7


Green Bay at Cinci;

This is a great matchup despite what many would think. The 1-5 Pack looks to get throat gulched by the 5-2 Bengals. I'm not so sure about that. The Pack must win this game. No matter what they must win. If they don't there's no way they can contend in their horrid division. The Bengals are in a tough spot too. In their next 4 games after this they play Bmore twice, the Steelers and the Colts. If they go into that stretch 5-3 they could ruin their great start and become the Bengals again. What hurts the Pack is that Cinci is a stout pass defense, and a very suspect run defense. With Ahman out, even though he was shitty so far, they have to rely on an unproven starting back in Tony Fisher and deal with one less reciever with Ferguson out. The Bengals were destroyed last week. Completely anally probed by the Steelers at home. Marvin can not let them look past Green Bay. I like the Bengals only because of their home advantage and their need for the win this week.

Good Plays; Chad will go nuts, he may get to do two celebrations this week after having one called back last week. Rudi finally gives his owners some love after a very disapointing fantasy season so far. Carson is an obvious stud here. Play TJ, he'll have Ahmad Carrol who is an incompetent starting corner on him all day. I like Brett despite the matchup, they'll be down early and he'll be looking to Driver and Chatman for the second half. Tony Fisher is interesting here, he's a traditional 3rd down back forced into the starting role, I actually like him here, if not on the ground in the passing game, he's an excellent recieving back. I'd actually sit both defenses here, and play both kickers.

chad's weekly shit talking is among the best i've ever heard;
here's some for you from about this matchup

Wide receiver Chad Johnson said Packers cornerback Al Harris will offer his toughest challenge this season, but that didn't stop him from being… well, Chad Johnson. "There are two things for Brother Harris this week," Johnson told the Cincinnati Enquirer. "The bad thing is, he has to cover me. The good is, he can save 15 percent by switching his insurance to Geico."


KC at San Diego;

LT is one angry motherfucker. He had 7 yards on the ground last week. That will not happen here. I still dont understand how the Birds were that effective against him. The Chiefs will be looking at lots of tape, but they simply don't have the personnel to pull it out here. Despite the offseason investments in the defense, it's still run by Cunningham and lacks a real pass rush. The Chargers know they let Philly steal a win last week. They will take it out on KC. The game comes down to who can limit the explosive offenses. It seems the Chargers are much better equipped to handle that challenge. I like the Bolts linebackers, especially the super underrated Donnie Edwards. Despite previous messages to the contrary, it's clear that the Cheifs still employ the two backs theory. Priest is still a beast, but LJ isn't going away either. I was happy to see Tony G finally get some love last week. A TD would be even better proof that he's back. In a true shoot out the Chargers take the game, as they begin to recover from a brutal schedule stretch.

Good Plays; It's hard to say sit LJ, you obviously play Priest here. I like Gates for a great game, him and Brees do very well together at home. Brees and McCardell will link up for a touch. Trent Green and Tony will finally put up some numbers. It always takes them a while to get their numbers. Sit both defenses, and play both kickers. LT is out for revenge, he's fuckin white girls and takin names, so look out.


Zona at Dallas;

When he's not busy smacking around assistants and homeless people Parcell's is an excellent game plan coach coming off a loss. Just like I said, the Boys were drunk off that Eagles beating still. They let themselves believe they were the cream of the division, no dice homos. The Boys have relied on Bledsoe to win so far, and its been fairly effective. If you can get to him early though he'll throw picks and cost you the game. I know he's been great so far, but I wonder how he'll play once teams get to him. Lucky for them they play the Cardinals. A trendy preseason pick for the division, the Cardinals are a joke on defense, and even worse in the running game. They rival the Eagles in their tendency to throw first throw second run last scheme. The Boys are a good run defense, but have shown that they can be beat deep. If McCown can get some protection, a big if, this game could be close, and maybe even approach upsetville if Fittz and Boldin can dominate. I'm picking the Cardinals, since I hate the Cowboys and think they're crazy overrated.

Good Plays; Larry Fittz is a top 5 reciever in my opinion, Boldin had no catches last week, but he'll rebound, McCown will get 2TDS but is a turnover risk. I like Marion Barber this week, Witten and Glenn, Bledsoe will get his, but will throw some picks too. Play the Boys defense, despite what I said earlier, that was Cowboy hate. Sit any Zona rb, they suck donkey shaft. Play Rackers, and I have no clue who the Boys new kicker is.


Jax at Rams;

This is a game of two very different teams going in very different directions. The Jags are a solid contender in the AFC. No joke, Del Rio is a great coach who is using his stingy defense to keep him in games and allowing Lefty to manage the game without having to score too much. I like the Jags here. They will rape Martin. His name is Jaimie. I read that Martz tried to send a play in last week over the phone and was barred from doing so by the ownership. That rocks. Sit at home with your turd heart and watch your "masterpiece" offense actually run the ball. Steven Jackson is a stud, and last week was the first game he was allowed to really show it. This is not a good week to run anyway though, as the Jags are the rare defense adept at stopping both the run and pass. Holt and Bruce are both injured so it makes it even tougher to compete for the Rams. Look for a solid day from the Jags offense as their young passing game (sans Smith) is maturing with every game.

Good Plays; The Jags have several plays, their defense is a solid play weekly, Leftwitch has never had a 3td day, it may happen here. Taylor is back and should pile up yards, and maybe even a TD, but dont get your hopes up. Jimmy is a solid play as well. Sit your Rams, play only Curtis and Jackson. This will be a dominating game by the Jags, but it wont be reflected in the score, look for a 10 point win here.

Philly at Denver;

After a miracle win by Philly, and a miracle loss by Denver, both teams here fight to settle into their schemes. The Eagles have been chastised for their utter lack of a running game. The Broncos boast an all star secondary but have allowed teams to come back on them through the air. The birds will look to establish a little balance on offense, while they rely on their defenses awesome potential. With the exception of the Cowboys rape incident, the Eagles defense has been stout in most every aspect. I like how the Broncos have established a pass rush for the first time in years, but that won't be effective as McNabb will look to the screen game all day with LJ and B.West. This game is a true test for the Birds. If they win they prove they are indeed the top threat again the NFC, a loss leaves them among the many half ass teams. The Broncos are not a real threat in their conference. The chargers are a better team, as well as the Jags, Colts and Steelers. I expect them to compete here for the first three quarters. But they have no solution for a very focused McNabb. Look for the Birds by 7. Shannahan has googly eyes by the way.

Good Plays; Donnie Mac and TO get back on pace and put up very solid numbers. B West does well with over a buck total and 7+ receptions. I like LJ for good totals, he's a moron with the ball though, he has never learned how to take a hit naturally. Plummer is a shaky play anyway, and with shoulder issues I'm wary of him. Look for Bell to fumble but have nice yards. Anderson is not a good play. Play the Birds defense and Elam.


Two incompetent leaders



Minny at Carolina;

Despite last weeks big division win, the Vikings are still a sack of morons. They have no direction. Mike Tice is complete goon, his baby huey act is running thin. Every time I see him I wonder who hired him? C-Pep needs him out, so he can repair his career. The team made a big investment in their defense this season much like KC. However KC actually signed real talent, young and emerging talent that will help them in years to come. The Vikings picked up Smoot, who is a talent but is too busy playin captain stabbin to defend a wideout. Sharper is old and has had injury concerns all year. And oh yeah, they traded away the best deep threat ever for 8 bucks and a box of shinola. Fuck what ya heard this offseason, you never improve when you lose a top two or three talent and replace it with youth. The Eagles should learn from the Vikes and do what it takes to keep TO, even though he's a raging assclown, he's the top at his game and there's no one on board to replace his production. In any case, Carolina is begining to get a hold on its defense. They are still good against the run but they allow huge passing games. Look for them to give up some yards here, but their pass rush is deadly for Daunte. This bodes well for a Viking team that lives in the air (and fucks at sea). The only problem is that Jake and Stevie will also have a field day. The Vikings are done this year, as long as they have that deep octave spooge at the top they'll fail. Word to moms the Panthers take this game.

Good Plays; I actually like C-Pep here, for good yards and a couple of strikes, but he may fumble the game away. Mewelde Moore continues to put up over a buck in totals every game, he doesent need TDs to help you. Burleson may finally get his TD and a solid day. Look for Wiggins to continue his possesion game. I love Jake and Steve, and S.Davis will get in the endzone, possibly twice. The Carolina D is a play for sacks and to's but not for points allowed, I like both kickers as this game could open up. Look for Mangum to get some redzone looks in the Panthers offense.


Cleveland at Houston;

The Browns don't need too much motivation here. They are underdogs to the fucking Texans. The Houston Texans are favored. Repeat that to yourself. The vegas heads have little faith in Dilfer here. I actually agree. This will be the Texans first win of the season. Even though they've been bad, the Brown's pass rush is fairly weak, and that will allow Carr to stay upright for once. Carr has never had a great statistical season to say the least, but last year he put up 16TDs and 3500 yards. This year he's no where near those numbers. You can't simply blame him. His coaching staff has not addressed the offensive line since the team;s inception. This week Carr may finally be able to put up some modest numbers. The Browns have a very good coach in Crenell and a young talent base at skill positions. Give Romeo another draft or two and he'll havae this team back in the mix, much like Marvin Lewis did in Cinci. It takes time to clean up a franchise, and what do people in Cleveland have besides time? and ugly girls. This game comes down to the Browns innability to slow D.Davis, he will open things up for Carr and keep the Browns honest. I actually like the Texans to grab a dub here, maybe their only one all year.

Good Plays; Two shitty teams often produce some good fantasy plays, this is the exception. I would stat Davis no doubt, maybe play the Browns defense, although they don't do well on the road. Ruben has put up great yardage with no TDs, he's a retarded portis clone, I like him a lot here though, they'll limit Dilfers throws and allow Ruben to get one, maybe 2 TDs. I like Andre Johnson to have a decent game, he's too talented to put up slop all year. Play Braylon Edwards if your in a jam, he's a mega talent ala Larry Fittz and will become a viable fantasy play at the end of this season.


Tenn at Oakland;

Oakland was supposed to have a potent offense with the addition of Moss and a strong running game. Norv Turner is a vertical game coach and his personnel seemed perfect to implement his system. None of this has happened. After throwing 3 TDs in the opener against the Pats, Collins and crew have produced 7 TDs in the air, with Jordan matching them on the ground. Predictions were hovering around 30-35 for Collins, it now seems that 24 is more accuarate. I think the lack of supporting talent catches up with them. Porter is a talent, but having him and Moss on the field assures that your WR's are taking half of the plays off. Porter has killed Moss so far. He was supposed to be the possesion guy, the player who opened up the deep route and allowed Randy to get some single dingle. Instead look for a heavy dose of Jordan all year. The Titans are better than expected. They have a young aggressive defense and Fisher is a great coach with little to work with. I like Travis Henry and Chris Brown, just not in the same backfield. McNair needs to retire after this year, the team needs to move in a new offensive direction. It seems that when Volek plays the ball flies, when McNair plays, the tight ends produce and little else. This is Oakland's game to lose, I see them winning with a healthy dose of Jordan, but this will be a close game.

Good Plays; Play Jordan, he's a monster that won't stop, I like Gabriel again, Moss is gimpy but you'll play him if he's a go, he's always a TD threat atleast. Play Troupe and Kinney now that McNair is back, its tough to endorse Henry or Brown, although Brown needs to stave him off, so start Brown if you must. Sit both defenses, play Collins sit McNair. Play both kickers. Fuck off hoser.


Miami at NO;

In the Saints first Baton Rouge game, expect them to lose. Fuck emotions, the Dolphins are rested after that friday game and are hungry to get a win. Brooks has been solid since Duece was injured, but they lost both games. I like how the dolphins play, tough defense and a running/tight end attack. They can execute their dual backfield all day here. Ronnie Brown has quietly been putting up a solid rookie campaign. McMichael would be a top three tight end if he had a real QB in there. Chambers would again be a top 10-15 WR too, but it comes down to QB play. If the fins can get a hold of a QB in the next two years (Brees/Rivers?) they could be a very solid team. They need to act quickly though, their defense is super old and faces changeover soon. New Orleans is set to be the next Los Angeles franchise according to many NFL sources. Atleast they have that going for them. Football wise Haslett is a meatball. He's tough and cocky and shit, but couldnt coach the Colts to the playoffs. Look for Miami to control the game, with Ricky finally getting some yardage.

Good Plays; Ronnie Brown is a must play, Ricky is a weak play, but may get some passes to keep him involved. I like the Fins d/st this week. Brooks should get some yards but will always get his int's. Play McMichael and Chambers, sit Frerotte. Look for Stallworth to have high receptions, no TD though. Play the NO kicker, he'll be used heavily.

Tampa at San Fran;

Another facial is coming to the bay, and no its not deep throat 2, it's Tampa in Alex Smith's ass for 60 minutes. After an impressive start to the season, the Niners are paying for the tutelage of Smith. He may end up being a good QB, I don't see it, but no matter what it won't be in this game. The Bucs will destroy this kid. The Lac is out of the shop, Simms gets his chance to start for an extended time and Gruden had the bye to exactly prepare how and where he's gonna throat pump these fools on Sunday. Tampa is considered a contender in the NFC, with a stout defense and young offensive talent, it's not a reach. No prediction recqiured here.

Good Plays; Play your Bucs, both recievers Joey and Mike, look for Mike to finally produce. The Lac will roll, with two TDs and a ton of yards. Look for the tight end Alex Smith to get looks now that Simms is in. And play Simms if you must, he's gonna get 2tds and solid yards in this blowout. The Tampa Def is a no brainer. Sit every single Niner.

Buffalo at Pats;

Despite the popular opinion, the Pats are not reeling. They're defense is super injured, but with Bruschi back soon and with Bellichick having a week off it's no question they are focused on killing the Bills. I don't like the Bills at all here. Holcombe has played well, but not against very good comp. The Bills must rely on Willis, although it won't be enough here. Brady is too smart to force it into the Bills stellar secondary, I expect a healthy Dillon and some screens to Pass to move the ball all day. No one has stepped up in this divison to challenge the Pats. This game will be textbook, lots of Corey, lots of pressure on Holcombe with Bill's exotic blitzs all day.

Good Plays; Play Willis and Corey, they'll each get high 20's in touches. Play the Pats defense if you must. I like Branch for receptions. Play Brady, sit Holcombe. Moulds and Evans are suspect plays, I like Moulds more of the two though. Play both kickers. Expect a solid win from the champs.


Chicago at Detroit;
In what seems to be the matchup that defines who's the best of the worst division in football, I expect an ugly turnover ladden field goal battle. Chi town is going in a great direction. Once they get a hold of a QB, and not Rex, they'll be a real playoff team. They have a young mean defense. A solid running game. And some talent on offense but with no QB to deliver. Orton is a game manager. A shitty on at that. Look below, that's really him. I would party too if was a pro QB, but c'mon dude, are you on top of the bar? In any case, I like the Lions here. They will play better with Garcia and Mike Williams will emerge as the only sober/healthy reciever on the team. In a close contested battle I like the Lions, even though the Bears are a better team, they'll have trouble on the road in this one.

Good Plays; Mike Williams is emerging, keep an eye on him. Play both Jones's at RB, with Thomas being the stronger play. Play both kickers and both defenses, in what will be an ugly game. Sit all receivers otherwise, maybe look to Pollard if you must. Orton is one drunk goon.




What a complete fucking Goon




Wash at NYG; real fast, I'm off to Bermuda hoes. I doubt there's too much NFL there, but I'll get what I can. This game is hard to call. The Skins are the better team. They win a close one.
Play Brunell, Eli, Moss and Schockey, watch Burress he 's hurt , turds, I have to go , peace.




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