Fantasy Dork Central

Fantasy Football Player Rankings 06-7


Bush's international policy in action



Finishing up on the Chuck Norris tip;

• Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

• Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

• When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes.

• Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.



Some people have asked me why I feel qualified to discuss and analyze fantasy football; my answer is that I’m a fantasy football god, and the voices in my head advise me every day. To all the haters out there, please invite me to join your league, I will eat your lunch and give your mom a Portuguese breakfast, or even a Turkish snowcone. In reality I just love fantasy sports and enjoy discussing them over important shit like aids, cancer and rape. I consume football, basketball and baseball stats and info all day. As an example of how sick my obsession is; I have the flu or some spring aids or something and last night I had a delusional dream that I had to make the top five picks for the NFL draft. I had to write my final selection on a golf ball and tee off with it. Strange but true, I can not get enough of this shit. When in conversation with one of my loser fuck friends, fantasy sports often come up. Instead of how is your girlfriend, job or your life, we discuss how it will be tough to determine Dom Davis’s value if he and Bush share the backfield. Or how Randy Moss will react when Aaron Brooks throws the ball behind his back (I’m not joking this man once threw a no look pass in an NFL game, it didn’t work out). In any case here are the initial player rankings for the upcoming season.


I've decided to put together a top 5 per position ranking system, using a yahoo scoring format (1pt per 40yards passing, 15yds rush, 20yds rec., receptions and 6 per TD) as the basis. The key to success in a fantasy football draft is putting together the highest skill position players. Don't consider a defense or a kicker until the very last rounds. Let that bozo fuck who drafts the Bears or the Ravens in the 7th round lose ground on real players while you pick up next years Santana Moss (David Givens? Braylon Edwards?) or even Mike Anderson (Chester Taylor? Ronnie Brown?) In most cases you should even wait it out on starting QBs since most players over value the position. Unless a top QB drops to your spot, you can always land one or two solid starters in the later rounds. Players with proven passing attacks will be available into the 9th and 10th rounds, i.e.; Brees, Hassleback or even old head Warner. While your peers are drafting Brady in the 4th round you are picking up Boldin or Tony G. and stockpiling talent.

These kids are hardcore, not one of them looks over



Today I’ll put up QB and RB with WR and TE tomorrow.

QB; A productive QB can carry you through the injuries and busts on your squad. Drafting a QB is a delicate science, you need to avoid the run at the position while also securing a safe option, or you could end up with the likes of Brooks or Carr.

1. Peyton; #1 by default since Carson's knee is still a concern, this could change as the season approaches and more is known of Palmer's status. With the loss of Edge, Peyton is actually a stronger QB from a fantasy standpoint. The team will look to pass more in the red zone which will lead to 30+ TDs this year. With a major talent downgrade in the backfield, the passing game will be relied on heavily. Expect #1 production from both wide outs and even 8-10 TDs from the TE spot; Dallas Clark/Fletcher. A team can only stay in contention so long, and Peyton may have lost his chance at a ring in a year where he could have hosted Denver at home for the AFC chip. But he fucked that up, Vandernuts didn't exactly help either. I would project Peyton as a mid to late first round talent in fantasy.

2. Carson Palmer; Clearly the top fantasy QB last season, Carson faces major health questions heading into the 06 campaign. His goon surgeon retracted most of these comments about his injury, but they are scary nonetheless; "On a scale of 1 to 3, it was a 4," he said. "It was off the chart. It was pretty badly damaged, shredded is the better term." The Bengal’s offense have upgraded their talent level; the already deep receiving corps added underrated speedster Antonio Chatman to buffer the potential loss of talented slot receiver Chris Henry, due to gun/weed charges. If this team addresses TE with their 24th pick (i.e.; Marcedes Lewis or Lenny Pope) they could become the clear top offense in football. I believe Palmer will be ready to go, especially considering the team let Kitna walk. Palmer is an early to mid second rounder right now, with the potential to move up or down based on his health status.

Carson's injury was a little more subtle


3. Tom Brady; I was considering McNabb at this spot, but the loss of Owens coupled with his recent injury history, I simply couldn’t rationalize ranking him ahead of Brady. Brady will go for 4K yards and is always gonna give you 25-28 TDs. His team needs to draft an impact WR to help Brady out. The loss of Givens is greater than most think; his toughness and breakout ability will be missed. Brady is a solid late third to 4th round pick.

It's not true at all, but props to the 12 year old Fin's fan who put this together


4. McNabb; #5 faces a major crossroads in his career. His durability, toughness and leadership have all been questioned (mostly by TO), you must watch this). Philly only has so much more time to capitalize on his talent, and they need to address his support in the skill positions immediately. A great draft (a good OT and RB, or even ASU's Hagan, hopefully) and long shot acquisition Javon Walker would help him get back to elite status. I still expect McNabb to produce regardless of his cast, he put up 27 total TDs in 2001 with the worst receivers that god has ever shit out of his epic ass. If you get McNabb in the 4th round you will reap the benefits of his talent, he knows what people are saying and is determined to prove them wrong, again.

5. Drew Deadslow; I initially had Daunte posted as the #5 QB in fantasy for 06-7. But after some research into his injury progress, it's unlikely that we see Daunte back to form till atleast late October. He is still worth a later round pick as future trade stock or even for your own team. As most of you know he tore all 3 major cruciate ligaments in his knee, this injury can take well over a year to fully heal. So Drew is now in the top 5. He had flashes of his old self last season and proved that he still has a couple of years left. The Boys need to protect Bledsoe better, the most sacked NFC QB of 2005. True, he is slower than corky, but the loss of Larry Allen and the lack of a consistant running game would put most QB's at risk. If healthy and protected, Bledsoe will connect with TO, Glenn and Witten often. He had 23 TDs last season, expect closer to 28, with his interceptions in the mid teens. With all that talent in the passing game it's hard to overlook this oldhead's value.

In spite of surviving a traumatic ass birth, Brees has become a franchise QB


The rest; C-Pep; Daunte has to prove his health before he moves up on the board, his injury was devastating and he most likely won't be ready for camp or for the start of the seaon. Eli Manning; last season proved he has the talent and potential to be great, but he needs a true deep threat to bomb to, look for the Giants to draft a burner. Delhomme; with Key and Smith at wide out, Jake should put up 25 TDs easy; it’s just his interceptions that bother me. Hassleback; he was a top three fantasy QB last year, and should probably be ranked higher here, but I wonder if the loss of Jurevicius and Hutch will lower his numbers a little. Either way he was safe last year and that’s always a good quality. Brees; his shoulder has to be a concern (they really only gave him a one year 10 mil deal), but with a sleeper cast around him (Horn and Duece), a good new coach and the number 2 pick (OT Ferguson would be a boon to Brees) Drew could put up nice numbers, you have to consider he’s losing Gates as a target though. Big Ben and Trent Green are both good sleepers to target, with the loss of goal line beast Bettis, Ben may have to put up 20+ TDs.


RB; The premier position in fantasy football, in a good league the first two rounds should be dominated by the position. It’s also the best position to have depth at, since injuries and breakout years are so common.


1. Larry Johnson; I know that Alexander had 28 TDs and that LT will now be relied on even more in Whale’s Vagina, but LJ is a monster and is the clear #1 in my opinion. I wouldn’t even hesitate to draft him #1 overall. His numbers were absurd last season and that was in 11 starts. With Priest being asked to lower his cap number and the possibility that he’s even cut, LJ is the guaranteed starter in KC. He ranks above Alexander because of his ability to catch 50 passes, ahead of LT because of the loss of Brees. With the top three it’s hard to fuck up, but LJ is the top dog of 'em all.


The new #1


2. LT; It’s crazy that I’m putting Shaun at #3, but his lack of receptions, the loss of Hutch and the fact that he finally got paid leads me to rank LT higher. With Rivers taking the helm in SD, LaDainian will see more in the box, but also get more touches and a ton of receptions. LT is the true double threat in the NFL, I rank him #2 overall.

He's still ahead of Shaun


3. Shaun; He had a sick year; 28TDs and nearly 1900 on the ground. But he gets minimal receptions and lost the best guard in football. The Seahawks ran Alexander to Hutchinson/Walter Jones nearly every time. You also need to be wary of record setting years; they are rarely followed by similar production (i.e.; Peyton last year) since the league then focuses on that player. He increased his TD production by nearly 50% last season over his career high, so be ready for a more noraml, but still stellar 20TD campaign. He is still a monster, and should be regarded as a top 3 pick.

4. Tiki; He never gets his due. His versatility leads to sick numbers. Only his TD production holds him back. If he adds three TDs on the ground this season, and produces relatively the same numbers, he will be a top 5 overall player. With Eli maturing and throwing less red zone picks, Tiki should dominate again.

5. Lamont Jordan; He is going to be slept on again this year. Passed over for the likes of Portis and Rudi, but his production will only improve. He has only one full year of wear and tear, and is the top reception threat at his position. He can easily repeat last year’s breakout totals, and should even improve upon his yardage and TDs.


The rest; there are a ton of running backs to consider as top tier players, in order are the top RBs outside of the top 5;

• Steven Jackson; Now that Martz is actually gone, the Rams may actually give this beast the ball. He is among the hardest tackles to make in the league. He is big and strong, but still gets his pads down low. I see him as a top 10 player this year. Last year was billed as his breakout, but with a new coach in Linehan who is committed to the run, this is the year to target Jackson. Expect 1500 and 10TDs as a starting point. Draft him in the late first/early second round and you'll be happy you did.
• Deuce; With Brees in town, and the possible addition of Ferguson at OT, Deuce could be a steal this year. A top 5-7 pick over the last several seasons, Duece will be passed over this year. New coach Sean Payton is a Parcell's disciple who will run first every game. Ofcourse be wary of his injury history, but he's certainly worth an early 2nd round look.
  
• Ronnie Brown; I expect big numbers from Ronnie. He will be available as a #2 back but could put up #1 numbers. Outside of Jackson he has the greatest potential to be a top stud RB. I'd draft him late second round.
  
• McGahee; He was the Daunte of RB's last year, great expectations and shit production. He has too much talent to be forgotten. He still had 1200 yards, his 5Tds were anemic though and he needs to start hot to satisfy his owners. I would target him in the late 2nd into the 3rd. His knee injury in college still makes me vommit.
  
• Clinton Portis; He finally produced as a Redskin last year. His 1500 and 11Tds was a great sign of things to come. With a more potent passing game and the same run heavy Gibbs' offense, expect Clinton to atleast repeat those numbers. Just be wary of his consistancy; in 9 of the 16 games last season Portis had no TD. I see him as a mid to late 2nd rounder or high 3rd round pick if your lucky.
  

• Rudi; He is a lot like Portis; a 90+ yard per game performer who scores in half of his games. Chris Perry threatens to bite into his touches, since he such a better receiver. You can still expect 1400 and 9-11 Tds, just remember that he should not be your #1 back.
• 

• Edge; It's ridiculous that he is not in the top 5, but if you look at last years numbers he was just 10 points ahead of Jordan. With the move to the desert it's hard to imagine Edge putting up last year's numbers. He has 2600 touches in his career and will only see more hits working behind the weak Cardinal's line. I still see 10 total TDs, just not the same yardage or consistancy from his Colts days. Take a look at him late 2nd early 3rd, just don't expect the past production.
  
• Westbrook; I expect great reception totals and probably 10 total TDs, as a value pick, he is probably more effective than Portis or Rudi. Injuries have ended two out of the last three seasons, a big back would actually increase his value, giving defenses more to consider. Expect 70 receptions and over 1300 total yards.
  
  
  
  
• Caddy; He is extremely talented, but I'm not sold on his durability. With the amount of touches that Gruden wants his feature back to have, it's risky to place too much value on Williams. He is hyped and ranked as a top 15 player by many fantasy experts. Personally I'd rather have a Westbrook or Duece if I'm taking a risk on an injury prone player.
  
• Julius Jones; He was a major dissapointment last season. With the emergence of Marion Barber and his legitimate injury problems, JJ is not a lock to be a stud this season. But with TO in place there will be one less guy in the box leaving JJ more room to cut back. He is a good player to target in the 4th round.
• Thomas Jones/Benson; There is speculation that the Colts are interested in Jones, either way the team needs to elevate Benson to starter at some point this season. If named the clear starter Benson is a great sleeper pick.
  
• Tatum Bell; I left him off because I avoid the committee back like it will scab my cock, they are a horrible burden to a fantasy owner. You have to wade through reports and side talk all season. Unless he is somehow pronounced the lone #1, which is more than unlikely, don't put too much stock in him. I put him here on the list because of his potential behind that line, but word is that with their second 1st rounder they're looking to grab DeAngelo Williams, who is going to be a star, so I'll update this mess again.
  
• Ruben Droughns; to be a top 15 back and only have 2 Tds means your putting up great yardage/reception totals. With virtually no comp in the backfield, and a vastly improved roster, Ruben could be the steal of the draft. He could grab 8 TDs and become a top ten back. I would seriously consider him in the 5th. He is a solid sleeper.
  
• Dunn; a top selling jersey in the QB, Warrick is a great value back. He will be available in the mid rounds and has proven to be a solid #2 or great #3 back for your team. Only Tds lack in his stat profile, but he is still a worthy mid round pick.
  
• Corey Dillon; A top 10 pick just last year, his injuries and mileage are a concern. A running back's body can only take so many carries (he's at 2500), Dillon is a warrior who sadly spent his best years in Cinci. He has his ring and his body is now starting to give. He is a great value pick in the 4th round. Just be aware of the Pats draft; they are targeting Williams out of Memphis or L.White, this could really affect Corey's touches.
  
• DeShaun Foster; french for The Shaun, Foster's potential is amazing. He has shown flashes of dominance followed by weeks of injury. He is a safer pick now that Davis is done, just be aware of his risks.
  
• Kevin Jones; with a world of talent and a seemingly potent passing attack, KJ could finally be worth drafting. Much like McGahee he is a talent who will drop in drafts due to his poor season, just last season he was the trendy sleeper pick of the draft. He is worth a late 4th round pick.
• Willie Parker; I see him being a good #2, but the draft will affect his value. There is not doubt that he is a talent. And with little mileage he should be fresh to take more carries than most expect out of his frame. Again the draft may affect his role greatly.
  
• Ahman Green; Injuries and a shit defense hurt Green's value. Even when healthy last season his team was down too often to run. With a number of backs in competition; Gado and possibly Davenport, plus the draft, Green's job is not secure. Just two seasons removed from top 5 production, Green is now a third back at best.
  
• C-Mart; talk about a player with mileage, Martin has over 4K touches. That is first ballot type endurance. He may bounce back one last time here, given that public opinion has written him off. Be aware of the Jets' second round selection, it could very well be a rb. Consider Martin as your third back.
• Dom Rhodes; Not really sure about this situation yet, they say they aren't gonna draft a back and are confident with Rhodes, but thats just bullshit, they need to address this position. If they do infact go into it with him, he is a worthy #3, and you can never have too much depth at RB, I'd look for him in the mid rounds.
  
• Jamal Lewis; He still deserves consideration as a #2 back simply based on his potential. His production could be that of a #3. Still though, he is only 26 and didn't get a lot of touches last season, so he should be fresh. Don't trust him too much though, with Mike Anderson and Lewis's lack of production last season, he is not a lock to hold down his starting spot. I would draft him in the fifth to sixth round and take him as my 3rd back.
  

Here are the remaining impact rbs; Domanick Davis/Reggie Bush; barring a deal they can't refuse, the Texans will have two potent half backs, its hard to say what their value is at this point. Last season DD was a first round pick, can't say where he'll drop too with the presence of a talent like Bush. Chris Brown/Travis Henry; both of these guys could prove to be solid #2 backs, only problem is that they share the same backfield, Brown would be the better pick, but with his injury status, it makes sense to draft Henry in the final rounds.Chester Taylor; He proved valuable as Jamal's backup in Bmore, and he could be a steal as the horse in Minny. With a stellar O-line and a smart coach, Taylor could provide great depth for your team. Fred Taylor; he is injured for most or part of nearly every season, it seems time to draft a new back, and with Greg Jones proving worthy of touches, Taylor is now a later round pick. Frank Gore/Barlow; by mini camp one of these two will be the starter, my bet is on Gore. He is more explosive and durable, playing through several injuries to finish the season.

Finish strong (#3 from ratemyrack.com)



Tomorrow I'll put up the top WR and TE rankings, these will all be updated as the draft and June cap cuts affect rosters.