Fantasy Dork Central

NLF Mock Draft 2006 (aka please Eagles don’t fuck it up)

Mario goes #1, and all Mock drafts are instant dog shit; I just hope Houston knows what they're doing (actually I couldn't care less if they regret it forever, thats usually funnier, imagine the future espn classic interviews with Casserly calling it his worst decision ever.)



This is one of the least predictable drafts in years. Call it a crazy bi polar hooker on meth, however you put it you have no idea what’s gonna happen this weekend. And that’s not just my amateur blog fuck opinion; GM’s and professional analysts alike are fucking confused. You see there is an incredible amount of depth at some commonly shallow positions; CB/S, I/OLB, DE, RB, TE, G, OT. There is less depth however at QB,DT and especially WR(this is the weakest crop of wideouts in a decade.) This depth forces teams to consider trading down and out of the early rounds, leaving less room for prediction. Combine this with the unusual amount of high end veteran players on the block; Donnie Edwards, Thomas Jones and Javon Walker for example, and this gets even more convoluted. I have a mock draft posted on thesportreport.com that is a more sanitized and conservative version, but this one here will be my gut picks, throwing out all convention and class.

Philly's very demanding public expects excellence


I will focus on the Birds and discuss the later round players that should be available and could help the cause. The Eagles sucked last season, but they are not a 6-10 team. What last season really exposed was our lack of depth at several key positions; OLB, CB, KR/PR, DT, DE and QB. It’s a given that you will suck moose cock when you lose your franchise QB and WR in the same three weeks, but to get beaten and left in a ditch on the highway like the Birds did down the stretch is inexcusable. Having Garcia atleast helps provide depth at a major position. But Reid and the gang too often look for gems and projects, vowing that the system overrides blue chip talent. It's great to develop small program and or late round picks but there is a need for studs on this roster. For proof of this simply look at our roster; outside of McNabb, the corner tandem and Westbrook there is little to no Reid era drafted blue chip talents. It’s time to admit our weaknesses and address them aggressively. The approach the front office has taken has been successful, and they have no problem telling us that, but I truly don’t see the value in being consistently competitive for the McNabb era without really going for the ring again. TO is a failed experiment for sure, but it still got the team an interception or two away from glory. So I say do it again, load up, go for it all, and that doesen't always reqiure mortgaging the future to do so.

It doesn’t mean that we are sacrificing out future if we spend some of our cap and draft for the now, not for the future. It certainly makes sense to prepare for players getting older and to add some young developing talent, but the Birds have not addressed a number of glaring weaknesses for years now; we need a true run stuffer, a beast DT who could sure up our middle and allow the well paid ends to go berserker on the QB, we have not had a solid strong side LB since Emmons and Dhani Jones needs to go back to playing his banjo for handies in the subway (with a signature series bowtie on), the lack of a between the tackles back is the most popular of these unaddressed needs, we have no clock killer back to end a game or secure a drive, the we where banking on Buck shit is old and irresponsible; his knee is about as secure as august 2001 national security. The lack of legitimate QB depth was scary, I’d honestly rather put Jeff George(circa now) in there over the hermit looking Koy or Mikey Mc from Upper Darby. I am not down on this team though, as much as I am criticizing, they are still a very talented experienced team. I hope they address these problems through the draft, potential trades and the June cap cuts. If we can solidify our DT and SAM we would be a much better defense, a potent underrated defense even. If the birds can acquire a strong back and some talent at wideout then I feel much better going in. A perfect scenario is obviously landing Walker, a reality that seems less and less possible. In any case here is the mock draft you cock jogglers(juggling while jogging);


Fuck the Hype; dude is the best non NFL talent


1. Houston Texans; Reggie Rental, I mean Bush (USC) RB; Wow, well I'm completely wrong, apparantly you can pass on a talent like Bush; Mario Williams is the #1 pick and now the trade up frenzy can begin for Bush. I won't aler the mock draft since this is how I predicted the draft to go. Expect some crazy shit now that Bush slipped, trades are a brewin. The only thing I can say is Mario better be one great fucking end, cause Reggie is gonna prove cats wrong for the next decade or so. This actually helps the Eagles, now the boards are jumbled and players will slip due to the New Orleans situation. The Saints can't possibly pass on Bush too can they? well they just gave Duece 60 mil, more than the #1 pick garners, so I would be surprised that they would be able to accomodate that much cap out of their backfield. We will see, things just started and it's already interesting.





2. New Orleans; Brick Ferguson(UVA) OT; I just can’t see them taking Super Mario even though he is the best player available. With all the money they’ve invested in offense and with Brown at RT, getting a bookend LT is the wisest choice. New coach Payton is an offensive guru who knows the rarity of having two top young tackles. Mario is incredible, and in most any scenario would be a top 2 pick, but needs are needs. With Will Smith and Grant they have 1st round DE’s in place, so expect Brick at 2.(Brick means very good things for Brees/Duece, and maybe even Javon Walker?)

This was Vince's breakout game, the 2004 Rose Bowl vs. Michigan


3. Tennessee; Vince Young(Texas) QB; The Titan’s front office believes in the potential. Leinart is the safer and more immediate choice, but like McNair they feel they can develop Young into a special player. He may very well be nervous, but his tv interviews have been third grade level, he even asked if he could touch the camera in one interview. He is an incredible athlete, but at QB you need more than that (as Vick is learning). We’ll see, he could be incredible; in 3 years. He has a lot of learning to do coming from the most college based offense possible; shotgun, option and designed runs. Chow and Fischer must secretly be hoping for a last second switch to Matt.





4. NY Jets; Super Mario (NC State) DE; They honestly would circle jerk in the war room if Mario falls to 4. I think he should, but they would be happy with Brick or even Hawk if it came to it. Mario is a superb talent, but he didn’t dominate all the time like you would expect out of a top 5 DE; he was known to disappear in some games and was handled by Brick in their meetings. Either way he is a game changer, and the Jets sorely need one with Abraham gone. The need for a QB is not as great as it is at DE and OT. The Jets fans will rain down boos if they don’t take an available Leinart, and that is very funny shit to watch. Trust me, if you watch any of the draft tomorrow, watch this pick.




GB Packers; Hawk(OSU) OLB; Like the Jets the Pack will take what the market gives them. They would love Mario or Brick, but will certainly take Hawk in confidence. He immediately improves their quietly improving defense. There is talk of V.Davis to help Favre out, but with Franks on a relatively new deal I doubt they look at TE. In reality there is no need to satiate a crazy fan base since the cheese farts are simply happy to have the NFL at all.




6. SF Niners; V.Davis(UMD) TE; He is a freak, and not in a baby fucker way, in the most athletic player in the draft type of way. He runs a 4.38 at 260. That won’t feel very good for a DB to take in the chest. Alex Smith needs many things, among them a strong arm and a great TE. Davis helps with the TE part, and the Niners realize that they can’t pass on him (especially with the 22nd pick for defense). (Fantasy wise Davis could be a gem)




7. Oakland Raiders; Matt Leinart(USC) QB; It’s crazy that he would have been a lock at #1 last year and here he is slipping to 7, but hey college is fun and will only cost you 15 million in bonus. Al Davis loves USC cats and needs to build some interest in the Raiders this year. They have Walters from ASU but Leinart has franchise potential, so I expect that this as far as Matt falls. (no real fantasy impact, only that Brooks is still a basehead.)



8. Bills; Brodrick Bunkley(FSU) DT; Ngata is the better talent in both size and impact, but Bunkley fits the system much better. He can really attack, a two gap player who will start immediately and provide a pass rush in addition to run support. The Eagles are rumored to be interested in the Bills pick, but with the number of needs and the cost of moving that high I don’t think it is worth it, even though Ngata(pronounced nada) would change our defense. (the Bills could reemerge as a top fantasy defense under Jauron)



9. Lions; Mike Huff(Texas) S; Once again Matt Millen is a horrible GM, the Billy King of football, only that football really matters. He loves Chad Jackson but knows that there is this defense thing that needs attention. Huff is a stud who can play CB or S and would start from day one. Expect Millen(check out the Morton part) to try to fuck it up as much as possible.



10. Arizona; Ernie Sims(FSU) OLB; He is a bullet, and not like super gap toothed Adams. He is the drafts hardest hitter, a violent man. This may seem high for him but the Cards would see an immediate impact. He is rookie of the year material in the right system. If Leinart somehow slips ala Big Ben or if they are sold on Cutler QB could be the call, but I think they go defense considering the crazy LB depth this year.




11. St Louis Rams; Jay Cutler(Vandy) QB; With Linehan in place he may look to draft his own QB. Bulger is a talent but has never put a healthy/consistent year together. That could change now that he won’t throw 40 times a game, but security at QB is vital to when you have an injury prone starter. Word on the street is that Cutler’s footwork blows and you have to factor in the 9 wins ever thing even though it was Vandy (they are the fat slut of the SEC). If they do defense it should be Wimbley, the second best pass rusher.

Think big shits, very big shits from a very big man



12. Cleveland Browns; Haloti Ngata(Oregon) DT; The Browns would love to have the big Samoan monster fall to them. It could happen if the Bills go Bunkley and if no one trades up for Ngata. It’s not often that a big athletic DT becomes available. If he’s gone they go DE; Lawson or Wimbley.




13. Baltimore Ravens;Jimmy Williams(Vtech) CB/SS; The Ravens need a versatile Strong Safety to take pressure off of super talent FS Ed Reed, allowing him freedom to make plays. Jimmy is adept at both the pass and run and has experience at both corner and safety. The Ravens lack real depth in their secondary. It’s a possibility that Billick could address QB here with Cutler, but I doubt it. That would require humility and admit that Boller is not their future. The Ravens need a franchise QB with all of the investments made on offense; Mason and Clayton at wide out, Mike Anderson and Jamal Lewis at RB and pro bowl talent Heap at TE. Williams is too safe of a pick to pass on, expect the Ravens to address QB in the 3rd.





14. Philadelphia Eagles; Winston Justice(USC) OT; It’s becoming more and more unlikely that the Eagles stay at 14. They may move up only for a DT, and would move down to have their choice of a number of positions; C(Mangold) or OT(Eric Winston) for example. Justice could fall if the Cards and Ravens pass for defense, and the Birds could use a replacement for Thomas. I doubt whatever first round pick we make is sexy; no trade up for Ngata, or trade down for a stud RB. I do feel that they could get a starter though, a player who can help them right away. The Eagles are one of the hardest teams to read when it comes to personnel, so expect a curveball.


15. Denver Broncos; Kamerion Wimbley(FSU) DE; Kam is a pure pass rusher. The Broncos have a WR need but may address that with Walker or in the later rounds. It’s not often that the second best pass rusher makes it to the middle of the round, it may happen this year. Jackson and Holmes are not enticing enough to leave such defensive talent on the board. The Broncs could be an AFC sleeper if they can add Walker and a pass rusher of Wimbley’s talents.




16. Miami Dolphins; Antonio Cromartie(FSU) CB/PR; The Dolphins need a DT, but there are none that are a value at 16. Unless they can trade down to the end of the round for a DT, they’ll need to address the loss of Madison in the secondary. Cromartie is this year’s Matt Jones; a player shooting up the charts on his freakish athletic prowess. Antonio posted a disgusting 44′’ vert, and a 4.4 40 yard dash. He missed this past college season with an ACL tear, the main factor for his mid round status, but proved his recovery with a dazzling pro workout. At 6′2′’ 210 he possesses the size and agility to become a shutdown corner, the rarest commodity in football. His immediate impact could be on special teams, where he was a standout in college. If he slips, SD will catch him at 19.

Don't be mad is he is an Eagle, this kid will be a solid pro



17. Minnesota Vikings; Chad Greenway(Iowa) OLB; Chad is a pure strong side linebacker. He would immediately help the Vikings add toughness and coverage to their LB core. You know you’re getting a smart and hard working player in Greenway, as well as improving the character of your team, something the Vikings have been doing all offseason. I would like the Eagles to take him, but if Justice is available I can’t blame them for passing. The need for a QB is great, but with no 1st rounders left they'll need to look in round 2(Coyle?).



18. Dallas Cowboys; Donte Whitner(OSU) S; The Cowboys will likely trade out of this pick unless a top safety falls; wiliams or whitner. They have worked all offseason on being mobile and open in the draft, so a move is likely. With no glaring needs the best S available is a safe call to support Roy Williams in coverage. I hate to say it but Parcells has them prepared for a run as long as Bledsoe can hold up. (The Boys could be a sleeper fantasy D/Special teams.)




19. San Diego Chargers; Daniel Bullocks(Neb) SS; Dude hits hard as any secondary player in the draft. He could immediately contribute like Mike Lewis; a player adept the blitz and solid on the run. If Jammer eventualy (somewhat likely) moves to FS in the next few years this could be a potent tandem for years to come. The Chargers could look WR but I see them addressing their pressing secondary needs. Even if Bullocks slips to the end of the round or further he'll prove to be a steal; just like M Lewis.




20. Kansas City Chiefs; Chad Jackson(UF) WR; He is a workout warrior who lacks polish but has great potential. He looks like a linebacker but runs like a receiver. The Chiefs sorely need an impact wide out, and Jackson is a steal this late. Kennison and Jackson form a nice tandem for the next two seasons, as Edwards needs to capitalize on his aging offense’s window. (this could help Tony G more than anyone.)



21. New England Patriots; Santonio Holmes(OSU) WR; The defense deserves attention throughout the draft (CB,DE,LB) but Holmes should be available and will provide an immediate upgrade as the #2 wideout. This offense could be dominant if it could develop a game breaker at the position. Tom already has a talented athletic TE tandem (watson’s playoff tackle was fucking silly), a solid receiver in Branch, and Corey Dillon and most likely a rookie RB. Holmes offers vertical 4.3 speed and showed big play ability in his limited chances in Columbus. It’s unlike the Pats to put this much draft stock into a skill position, but the need is glaring. With multiple 3rd and 4th round selections the Pats have mobility, so don’t be surprised if they choose to move up for a Greenway or sit and wait for Lawson to drop. (this boosts Brady’s value even higher.)

22. San Francisco 49ers; Bobby Carpenter(OSU) OLB(sam); The Niners would be ecstatic to walk away from round 1 with V.Davis and Bobby, filling two of their greatest needs in 3 hours. Carpenter is a natural strong side linebacker. He is 250 and runs a 4.6. He can cover the tight end and help in the run game. The niners blow but I like Nolan, he had these sad losers playing competitive ball.Bobby is an example of an immediate starter in the later part of the round. His father played 10 years at RB and was one of Bobby’s coaches in school. He has been greatly overshadowed by Hawk. He played strong side across AJ at OSU and has never received the national attention his game deserves. It seems the Niners are slowly picking up steam in the Nolan era. The niners blow but I like Nolan, he had these sad losers playing competitive ball last year and is infusing them with his hard nosed identity.

23. Tampa Bay Bucs; Tye Hill(Clemson) CB; He is the best natural cover corner in the draft. He is 5’9’’ but many top corners are short in this league, and his speed (4.3) is so great he can make up for it with position. The Bucs are aging in coverage and need some youth to add depth and to groom replacements (ala Philly 2002). DeMeco Ryans is an option since they need depth at OLB as well, but the lure of a top cover corner is too great. Gruden will scream at this kid for next two years and make him a pro bowler.




24. Cinci Bengals; Manny Lawson(NC State) OLB/DE; He is an athletic freak, with speed and leaping ability that will translate well in the NFL. Much like Bobby Carpernter he was overshadowed by his line mate(Mario Williams). He is raw but Coach Lewis is a defensive master and can have this kid starting by year’s end. He shouldn’t make it this far and won’t make it past the Bengals. It this defense can get more of a rush for their talented DB’s, they should be a true contender. (the Bengals are a great value defense in fantasy to grab, especially if they can grab a player like Lawson.)

25. NY Giants; DeMeco Ryans(ALA) OLB; Even though they added defense all offseason via free agents, they still need youth and a weakside backer of the future. If Holmes is available they’ll grab him, but he shouldn’t fall this far. Much like the Cowboys they are in a good position having satisfied many needs pre draft, but they are still some time away from being a contender. Gabe Watson is also a possibility here.

26. Chicago Bears; Jonathan Joseph(South Carolina) CB; With the sudden retirement of Azumah they have a need in coverage. Joseph is raw and needs time to start having only two years of real college experience, but is a 4.3 talent with immediate special teams abilities.



27. Carolina Panthers; DeAngelo Williams(Memphis) RB; He really shouldn’t fall this far having had a legendary college career and gamebreaking moves, but RB isn’t a real need position for many teams this season. With the fragile Foster as their only feature level back Williams would make perfect sense. If he’s gone look for the best OLB or S Donte Whitner. This team will be around in January, and a stud RB is needed for the stretch run. (Williams or whatver back they draft is a solid late round pick in fantasy drafts for depth and potential.)




28. Jax Jags; Laurence Maroney(Minn) RB; He is the perfect replacement for Taylor. He is a 3 down back who is adept at receiving and rushing. He needs experience in blocking but offers great late round value. Any OLB available won’t start this year, where as Maroney could start immediately for them. (whatever RB they take should have some real fantasy value as a back up)

29. NY Jets; Nick Mangold(OSU) C; There is talk that the Birds want Mangold and have him rated very high, hopefully not at 14, but a trade down could happen. Mangold should last till 29 though and the Jets could really bolster their line if they could land Brick and Mangold.

30. Indy Colts; LenDale White(USC) RB; Had White not completely fucked up and shown up 20 pounds over for USC pro day he’d be a top 15 pick. The Colts realize that in games he was a stud, and his on field performance speaks loudly. He won’t get past the Steelers ensuring him atleast the worst first round contract possible. OLB is the only other great need. (White would be a great sleeper in this offense.)

31. Seattle Seahawks; Jason Allen(Tenn) S; The Seahawks lost some potent offensive talent in Hutch and JJ, but their defense is only improving in both speed and skill. If they can land a safety prospect of Allen's caliber they should walk with that division again. Many are picking them for a super bowl hangover, I think they’ll be fine given that their division is still growing.

32. Steelers; Daniel Bullocks(NB) S; In a move out of the norm for the Steelers I see them moving up. With 10 picks and not many glaring needs they can afford to move up. If they do they’ll grab Maroney or White. If they stay I see them taking a safety to make up for the loss of Hope, a great safety. So Bullocks makes perfect sense and is a solid talent to get this late. (The RB they’ll take could make room for himself if Parker slips at all, and any defensive moves help an already elite fantasy defense.)