Fantasy Dork Central

2006 NFL Draft Review;



I watched the NFL draft in it's entirety this weekend. To the lay person this means nothing, to an NFL nerd it is a vision quest of sorts. Instead of sitting in the woods with no food a spear and a leaf on my penis for a week, I endure 20 plus hours of Chris Berman's hully bully stammering bullshit and a near lethal dose of Mel Kiper's hairline. (Berman was a complete jerkoff during the whole telecast; consistently leaking the picks before my man Tags could announce them, removing any potential suspense, when the Raiders picked 7th and Leinart was on the board he said I think they're going defensive back seconds before the pick, which was then Huff, what a blowhard fat rumbling cock hoagie he's become). When you get through all the meaningless commentary and prediction, the actual drafting is a tactful chess match. A team can change it's direction and identity in only a few hours. Public perception can be altered in one pick; New Orleans now boasts a dynamic offense that will likely be featured multiple times on national broadcasts, in the same stroke Houston had looked on the upswing having won the "Bush lottery" only to pass on him and invite scrutiny and doubt untill Williams proves his mettle. Just two years ago the Cardinals were the worst team in football; a franchise with no star outside of then rookie of the year Boldin, now they boast a potent and eventually young offense as well as a quitely improving defense (not to mention a new world class stadium). Outside of landing Edge they have grown through Denny's drafts.


So if you wonder what all the hype is about, why the NFL draft garners so much more attention than any other (even the NBA), it's because it is the basis of success in the league. Even in this time of free agency and cap management, the draft is still the only way to win. More than any other league the NFL is draft dependant. In MLB, the NHL and the NBA draft success is important, but not a neccessity. A winner can be purchased in those sports. In football you better build in the draft. So in two years or so we will truly start to see the results of this draft take shape, and those who failed will likely be right back at the top of the draft.

One of these fat shits fucked up badly this weekend, and it wasn't Andy "Big Love"



No matter how much best player available bullshit you hear, most teams look to address specific needs in the draft. Donte Whitner going 8 was indeed a reach by the Bills, but they addressed their greatest defensive need. He was not the best player available, not even close, but he immediately fills the void left by Milloy in the secondary, that being said they still sharted their whole draft. The Lions or Bills could both use a franchise QB to build on, but both chose to leave Leinart and Cutler on the board and reach for defense. A good draft is often defined by the value of your picks; did you get the most out of your position considering whose available? So by selecting Whitner the Bills chose to pay the value of the 8th pick when he would have been available at 16. They either couldn't find a worthy trade down or simply had Whitner that high on their board, either way they fucked it up. And thank god they did, because that decsion set in motion the drop of Bunkley to the Eagles. Philly had an excellent first two rounds, having acquired two players with the 14th and 39th overall that they targeted in the top 15. They won the value battle.

Each move in the draft has a ripple effect that shuffles the board, leads players to drop and some to rise. For all the posturing and preperation done, many decisions are made on the fly. The Patriots got Chad Jackson at 35, dude was supposed to go in the top 20 minimum, but he fell in their lap. He didn't fall due to character or signability concerns, he simply fell due to decision. More than any draft I can remember this year's was defined by defense, with 22 defensive players in the first. Outside of tight end skill positions dropped down the board all day. Team's are focusing more and more on their interior lines, knowing that football is really decided in the first 6 inches. It's not quite as sensational or sexy, but building from the inside out is the way to win; it's the way that the Patriots, Steelers and Eagles have sustained some level of success (with some bad years). In any case here is a review of the draft taking into account both the real and fantasy implications of the selections; (reviews done by division.




NFC East; rapidly becoming the leagues deepest, best coached and most competitive division

Dallas Cowboys; The Boys came into the draft with few glaring needs having been spenders in the free agent market (good luck with psycho boy by the way). They needed to improve their secondary depth and draft a free safety to compliment Roy Williams (who can’t cover a cow in the open field), and acquire an outside line backer to replace the retired Dat Nguyen (pronounced dat win). My inborn hatred for the team aside (iggles), I feel they did better than most analysts have declared;

Get Dat Win; my favorite vietnamese linebacker


OLB Bobby Carpenter is an excellent first round choice; he can start immediately and gives them the size they need in their LB corp. Getting Notre Dame TE Tony Fasano in the second is confusing since they have pro bowler Witten in place, but their double TE formation will be potent now. It does make you wonder if they are grooming him in fear of Witten’s eventual payday. Skyler Green is the punt return specialist that the team lacked. DT Montavious Stanley provides great value in the 6th and helps replace the cool name factor lost with Nguyen.

They’re only mistake is that they failed to draft a starting FS to help Williams in coverage. Their 5th round pick of S Pat Watkins was a great value but he is a project and can’t start for at least a year. All in all they improved their defensive line and TE depth but failed to really address secondary needs.

NY Giants; The G men needed to add a WR/PR burner to their offense and add depth to their front seven. Much like the Boys the Giants had satisfied many needs in free agency giving them coveted mobility in the draft. They did a good job addressing these needs yet they made some questionable decisions. A team in their position should be able to draft the best available talent, avoiding “reach” picks. Well they clearly reached with their first choice but made up for it with some quality later round selections;

With Strahan’s age and no replacement in waiting DE Mathias Kiwanuka makes perfect sense, only they reached badly to get him. (imagine him paired with Osi Umenyiora forming the hardest to pronounce ends in the world, Madden will have an on air stutter induced aneurism) Originally in the 25th position they traded back to the 32nd with the Steelers. It’s clear that Coughlin’s Boston College ties played into the pick, whether he admits it or not. They could have traded down 10-15 picks farther and still had him. But Sinorce Moss (santana’s lil bro) was a steal at 44. He gives Eli a true deep threat and will contribute from day one in the return game. They did well in the middle rounds adding depth to both lines. Overall they did well but should have waited on the Kiwa pick.

Philadelphia Eagles; They entered the draft with the most needs of any team in the division, due mostly to their lack of free agent moves and the loss of that guy. The Birds needed a strong side linebacker, return specialist, offensive and defensive tackles and as any Philly cat knows, a big back. Despite all these needs Reid and his ladder day homeboys have been lauded for having an excellent draft;

Cocong; imagine the "Kooong" chant to replace the "Duuuuuce and Huuuugh"


Bunkley and Justice were both on the Eagle’s first round list. Bunk slipped due to Buffalo’s brain fart at 8 and Justice fell because of the oft used “character issues” tag. Either way they bolstered both lines and did so without selling too many late round picks. Unknown before the draft outside of scouting departments DE Chris Gocong (go-kong) is an animal in a uniform. He played double A ball at Cal Poly (John Madden's alma mater) and looked like Bobby Boucher absolutely gang-raping kids with a ridiculous 42 career sacks with 23.5 coming last year(check his link and watch his video, he killed kids). He will be converted to SAM immediately to compete with Jones. WR Jason Avant wont sell any jerseys or write any tell all books but he will be a solid #2 in this league. He dropped because his measurables weren’t prolific but a solid Michigan career and great character are good enough for me. Getting olympic skier Bloom in the 5th was just plain cool; you get an instant return man and a marketing dream in one. Behemoth Max Jean-Gilles potentially gives the Eagles the largest guard tandem in the world. Overall it was a perfect “value draft”, only they still need a between the tackles back (Duckett?) and a tall nickel corner to guard the taller wideouts in the division (plax/TO/lloyd). The Birds will pick through the June cap cuts for some veteran depth.


Washington Redskins; It’s difficult to evaluate a team’s draft when their first pick was 35 and they had only 2 picks in the top 150. Their draft was a month ago, when they spent mad dollars on free agents and trades. They essentially used their 3rd rounder on B.Lloyd and their 1st round pick last year trading up to get Auburn QB Jason Campbell (a super reach). Plus they get so close to capping out that they’d have trouble signing several day one talents. For the picks they did have they went nearly all defense, with only one real starter, overall a fairly useless draft;

"Room 612 big boy, time to earn that bonus"


Their only immediate impact player is OLB Rocky McIntosh; who will start right away on the weakside. Their other picks focused on the d-line and secondary, with no real steals or sleepers to mention. This team didn’t bank on the draft though, so it won’t really affect them in the short term.