Fantasy Dork Central

Kobe is a confused crazy nerd, and why is he #24? you are not the next Jordan homey

Please do not masturbate at work or in the company of children



I still can't see what Phil sees in him (could it be 10 mil a year and lunch fucks with the boss's daughter?)


Essentially the majority of the first round hype was generated by one Kobe Bean Bryant. He was incredible in games 4 and 6, legendary even. He led a collection of bust losers(Kwame,Lamar) and no ones(Smush,Luke) to within a Tim Thomas three of glory.(I can't believe Tim is relevant this season, considering I personally heard dude say he was just cashing checks this season for Chicago at a sixers game). In the 4th quarter of game 6 Kobe was unstoppable, the best player in the world on display. He was throat gulchin little kids that night. Doing whatever he felt like doing, taking his squad on his back. Check the tape, I’ve watched that corner 3 over and over, convinced that Kobe is the only player in the league who can hit that shot. He no doubt leads the league in degree of difficulty. Then just two nights later in Phoenix he takes 3 shots in the second half. Did the early series strategy lead to this decision? Fatigue set in? Unlikely, in truth, homeboy is simply fucking weird. Not to bite ESPN’s Chris Broussard but I really think Kobe is off. Not like marry a 17 year old high school bitch and cut your family off off, wait, that’s not a good example. More like a really extra sensitive bitch Scotty Pippen kind of off. Down two games in ‘94, Pippen had the defining moment of his career. With 1.8 seconds left and the Bulls down 1, Phil Jackson had designed a shot for Toni Kukoc instead of Pippen. Scotty disgraced himself forever, refusing to enter the game. Pip never wanted to lead, and proved that by never actually dominating without MJ. Regardless of his successes before and after that game, Scotty proved in that moment he is not a number 1; not a franchise player, not a leader.

Just like Scottie from Boogie Nights; No Love


I personally think Kobe is a much better player than Scottie was; only he suffers from a similar condition. He is too sensitive, too receptive to what others say. “You shoot too much, not enough, pass more, take over”, what ever it may be he seems to listen too often. Whether that means coaches, teammates, Vanessa's twat or media no one really knows, but he is heading down a strange path. Why refuse to shoot when you at times possess supreme confidence? He did the same thing against Sacramento in 2004, taking only one shot in the first half scoring only 8 in a crucial division game. The next night he drops 45 to prove what he’s capable of. He has been accused (by Phil among others) of sabotaging games in high school only to make it dramatic for a come back. This is not the mind of a rational winner, of a champion. Dude needs therapy, and a solid ass whoopin.

Kobe working hard on his street cred



Kobe has always been different, never been one of the boys. Only now he’s in a position where he goes unchallenged in the clubhouse, he is the climate of the Lakers. He can say all that corny bullshit and do gay dances and Chris Mihm has to just take it all in, shaking his head. Essentially Kobe is a nerd, the most athletic nerd ever. For proof listen to his rap album (if you can find it), it is among the dorkiest recordings in human existence. Download it on a peer to peer site, you won't believe just how gay he really is. No one can get a read on him, no matter who you ask. Shaq never liked him very much, but he’s kind of on to something here; "The guy's a joke," O'Neal told the South Florida Sun-Sentinel newspaper at a photo shoot in Miami. "I'm just trying to tell the world that the whole time, but just because he hits a couple of shots, everybody thinks he's a great person. He's a clown." It is quite damn clownish to use a game 7 to make a point, whatever the point actually was. Steve Nash did indeed describe it well after the surreal game 7; "I don't know what to expect from him," he said of Kobe. "Sometimes it's a little strange." Kobe is a star, a talent deserving of attention and exposure. Only something’s off, not right. I can’t call it exactly, maybe because he’s not done and we don’t know enough to tell yet. Maybe and more than likely we never will. Either way dude is a fucking fruit loop.

Boobies; don't fail me now, English broads have nice tits, just don't let them speak or smile (this is Kelley;the top ho in the UK)