Fantasy Dork Central

Say it aint so; A Bush in the NFL


"You gave Hector all the easy ones"


No not Reggie folks, its Jeb. Sad but true the NFL's search for a new commish has focused on the fattest fuck of all Bush's. As leaders on the search committee the legendary Rooney family, the proud owners of the Steelers are seeking out Bush as the man to replace Tags. I don’t know if I’d rather Jeb be our next president than our next NFL commish. To be honest though, the country is already in the toilet, so at least save the one successful government we do have, the mighty NFL. Mine and the lives of millions of other men are absolutely dependent on the league. No disrespect to my family, girlfriend, friends and country, but the NFL comes first. If I was on a breaking rope bridge ala Indy Jones and could only save either my mother or the NFL, I’d have to tell my mom I love her dearly, but Sunday is Sunday. I am not joking.

I'm with stupid takes on a confusing fucking twist here


Please Rooney’s and other absurdly rich old white men, please don’t enlist (a word that Bush’s fear) this fat absurdly rich white man named Jeb to be the next commissioner. I know it’s a long shot that he would take it, and the pr would be tough to battle, but even the thought of that family entering my government is sickening. Next thing you know we’d have Exxon adverts on the helmets and Cuban referees. They’d pan up to Jeb in the luxury suite and he’d be deepthroating a texas tommy while pouring a double fudge milkshake down his neck. I just can’t stand by and let a Bush ruin the last relevant treasure we have left as Americans.