NBA Positional Rankings;
Timeless bits of knowledge;
"This mustache ride will cost you your life, and boy is it worth it"
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
• As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later, the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history
I beg you, please watch this video
It’s a little late to discuss fantasy basketball since the season is nearly over. But come on, give me a fucking break, I broke my neck. I can use that one like all year. In any case, this was my first season of head to head fantasy basketball. In H2H your team is matched up every week and the total stats in an 8 category system determines the score. I would not recommend head to head again. Rotisserie is the only real way to evaluate fantasy basketball. The number of games per week plays too large a role in a team’s success. Plus in head to head all the true cock sandwich lazy bastards who don’t check their teams ruin the system. The bottom feeders in a roto league have a small impact on the leader board. Where as in H to H you can trounce some ass clown and make up ground while the league leaders battle each other.
In either style, basketball requires a dedicated fantasy nerd that can endure nearly 7 months of maintenance. I love fantasy basketball, I just need to find a league of players that are into it enough to make the season worth the work. In essence I'm tired of beating on my retardo friends. The head to head match up system works so well in Football because there is only one game per week and it matches teams at a one to one statistical match up. Plus football statistics perfectly translate into fantasy scoring. So in an effort to summarize the current NBA fantasy season, I've put together a top 7 per position listing, I chose 7 to highlight players not generally considered as fantasy stars; as well I've posted my predictions for the season awards and playoff results.
Top 7 by Positions; today I'll post point guards, tomorrow sg/forwards
PG; a position once defined by assists/steals and threes, now boasts two top 4 scorers and the reigning MVP
1. J.Kidd- a surprise at #1 in a position with all-stars Arenas, Nash and Iverson, but at 14ppg 8.4apg 7rpg he is the most complete stat filler at the point, not to mention 2 steals and 2 threes per, he ranks in the top ten total in both espn and yahoo rankings, Kidd fell as far as the bottom of the second round in some drafts. Side note; His son has an incredibly large head and makes you wonder how Kidd enjoys his wife's torn out fireplace (ie; vagina) at night.
Homeboys dome blew the meat wallet out
2. Gilbert- the second round superstar put up sick scoring 29.1ppg @ a healthy 45%, his 2.4 threes and 2 steals would make him top 5 overall material if only his turnovers 3.6 weren’t higher than his rebounding production. Any player on the floor for 40 plus a night should pull near 5 boards. Either way Gil looks like a top 10 pick again next year. Side note; Gilbert was a second round pick, and just like Rashard Lewis this allowed him to cash in on an extension much earlier than his first round counterparts, the only down side being his baby mommas get paid that much earlier too.
Allen is an icon, for better or worse he'll define this generation
3. AI- It’s hard to put Allen as low as 3, especially considering his torrid MVP like start to the season. His scoring is at an all time high @33per while his assists still rank him among the top ten (7.5), he's always been a top thief 2.2 and his fg% is his best since '97-8 @45%, only his turnovers 3.4 are higher than his rebs 3.3 and his threes hover around 1per. No matter what AI is a stat monster, in any given week he can put up 40 per with high assists, keep him high on your draft list, but be wary of his trade status, its not a given that Allen finishes his career a sixer. Side note; where to start? I've personally witnessed Allen groping groupie ass at a pool hall while drinking a lime green cocktail (most likely mountain dew and grey goose), Allen's also been known to skateboard on chestnut @2 in the morning, this man is a comic book in a jack russell terriers body. Many, many books can be written about this man's life. This cartoon is wildly tasteless but funny, check it out
4. Chauncey- a true mvp type season, Billups, like Gilbert, only lacked in his rebounding production at 3.2 per, his threes 2.4 and assists 8.7 set career marks while leading the team to the best record in the league. If Chauncey had a more PG like steal average (he is just below one per) he'd be a top 10 player overall. Like Kidd though, his fg% hovers around 40, you should still look for Billups to be a late 3rd round steal next year. Side note; despite being one of the leagues fugliest men, Chauncey boasts a true dime piece of a wife, proof that money and power do equal dank puntang.
I know its a small picture, but I've seen some good shots of her, and she can gets it
5. Nash- Crazy that the best PG in basketball is listed at #5 isn't it? But this is fantasy basketball, and Nash is a beast in assists 10.5, career high in points at 19.4 and his 3's are at 2 per. His %'s are sick; 51% fg and 93%ft, no one is close in that category, but his steals are an anemic .7 and drop his value at the point in fantasy, his status as a league MVP candidate will continue for a few years as long as the Phoenix core is intact, he's worth a late 3rd round pick, or even higher if you look to dominate assists in a roto league. Side note; this wild Canadian boinked Elizabeth Hurley and spice girl Geri Hallowell, he noted that they both fart loudly in bed and give quite "toothy" head, common issues among English broads.
Nash Bridges slayed Austin Power's original ho and a spice girl
6. Chris Paul- A superstar already, fuck the best rookie, he's among the best at his position in general. He controls games and has carried two cities on his back all year. The NOK Hornets won’t make the playoffs but they were a threat the majority of the season in a deep western conference. His trip double skills will make him a second round pick next year, just look at his numbers, if he adds a three to his game he'll be #1 soon; 16ppg 8apg 5rpg and 2.2 steals .7 3pfg. Side note; the Jazz, Hawks and Jailblazers all passed up on Paul in the draft, if you look at the circumstances all three gm's should be fired and beaten; the Jazz drafted a pg, and felt that Deron Williams was a greater talent, no dice, Imagine Paul and AK together for years. The Hawks added Marvin Williams to the absurd collection of swingmen they've compiled; childress/smith/harrington, Williams has dope untapped talent but Paul is the pg they've needed for years. GM John Nash is a Philly native who must be smoking that dope that Damon left behind, b/c he traded out of the top 3 to draft Martell Webster, a talent for sure, but he still should have bucked the sg need and drafted Paul. He already messed up bad taking Seabass over Jameer, and now he has 8 players on parole and the Blazers are holding pregame dogfights and craps games, I just don’t see how people missed the boat on this kid; he dominated the ACC as a sophomore.
7. Mike Bibby- Last year was a hallmark year statistically for our favorite black and white cookie. His rebounds, assists and steals are significantly down from last season, when he was a top 3 fantasy PG. His 3's have seen a boost while every other major catergory hs dipped, and I'm willing to give Bibby the benefit of the doubt since he had no one to defuse double teams up until Artest showed up. Bibby is always a good 4th round pick, people just pass him by every year it seems. He only lacks the high assists that more "true" pg's possess, either way he's a stud and the main reason the Kings stayed afloat this year. Side note; Bibby's dad Henry was a 3 time champ with wooden/ucla in college, as well as the USC head coach when Mike came out of high school, Mike essentially told his absentee pops to eat dog cock by signing with 'Zona and relished the opportunity to beat on him twice a year. Henry is an assistant with the 76ers now, and they've since reconciled.
Honorable Mention @ PG;
• Mike James, the "Amityville horror" as he's known on the nyc courts has had a career year, averaging 19ppg and 6apg while shooting 46% and dropping 2 traceys per, a contract year for mike, he'll cash in on this production
• Jason Terry, once relegated to the basement in Atl, JT now compliments one of the games elite players in Dirk while putting up 17 ppg on 47%fg and 2.2 3pfg, his assists 3.8 and rebounds 1.9 are gross, but you'll take that considering he's a later round steal who can keep you afloat with threes and FG%.
Luol Deng doing the sudan break dance, and my man Hinrich getting passed by Jameer
• Delonte West/Jameer Nelson; the St.Joe's boys are stat fillers in the league, players considered to be role players and borderline starters are now the building blocks of their respective franchises. West is a fantasy monster with the ability to contribute in nearly every category; since being names the starter he’s averaged nearly 15ppg, 4.2apg, 4.1rpg, 1.2spg and .7 blks to go with 1.2 3pt fg and 50% fg shooting, that’s a sick line, Jameer has been dope as a starter too; 16ppg 5apg 3.5rpg and 1.1 spg on 50% shooting, both players possess maturity and poise, and both were passed over by many teams, notably the Blazers passing up on Nelson the AP player of the year to take Telfair, good move.
• Kirk Hinrich; aka Nick Geez, is the only top 15 player at his position on the Bulls and his numbers prove it; 16ppg 6.3apg 1.6 3pfg and 1.2 steals, this true American whitey goes unnoticed in the league and should get his due.
Timeless bits of knowledge;
"This mustache ride will cost you your life, and boy is it worth it"
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
• As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later, the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history
I beg you, please watch this video
It’s a little late to discuss fantasy basketball since the season is nearly over. But come on, give me a fucking break, I broke my neck. I can use that one like all year. In any case, this was my first season of head to head fantasy basketball. In H2H your team is matched up every week and the total stats in an 8 category system determines the score. I would not recommend head to head again. Rotisserie is the only real way to evaluate fantasy basketball. The number of games per week plays too large a role in a team’s success. Plus in head to head all the true cock sandwich lazy bastards who don’t check their teams ruin the system. The bottom feeders in a roto league have a small impact on the leader board. Where as in H to H you can trounce some ass clown and make up ground while the league leaders battle each other.
In either style, basketball requires a dedicated fantasy nerd that can endure nearly 7 months of maintenance. I love fantasy basketball, I just need to find a league of players that are into it enough to make the season worth the work. In essence I'm tired of beating on my retardo friends. The head to head match up system works so well in Football because there is only one game per week and it matches teams at a one to one statistical match up. Plus football statistics perfectly translate into fantasy scoring. So in an effort to summarize the current NBA fantasy season, I've put together a top 7 per position listing, I chose 7 to highlight players not generally considered as fantasy stars; as well I've posted my predictions for the season awards and playoff results.
Top 7 by Positions; today I'll post point guards, tomorrow sg/forwards
PG; a position once defined by assists/steals and threes, now boasts two top 4 scorers and the reigning MVP
1. J.Kidd- a surprise at #1 in a position with all-stars Arenas, Nash and Iverson, but at 14ppg 8.4apg 7rpg he is the most complete stat filler at the point, not to mention 2 steals and 2 threes per, he ranks in the top ten total in both espn and yahoo rankings, Kidd fell as far as the bottom of the second round in some drafts. Side note; His son has an incredibly large head and makes you wonder how Kidd enjoys his wife's torn out fireplace (ie; vagina) at night.
Homeboys dome blew the meat wallet out
2. Gilbert- the second round superstar put up sick scoring 29.1ppg @ a healthy 45%, his 2.4 threes and 2 steals would make him top 5 overall material if only his turnovers 3.6 weren’t higher than his rebounding production. Any player on the floor for 40 plus a night should pull near 5 boards. Either way Gil looks like a top 10 pick again next year. Side note; Gilbert was a second round pick, and just like Rashard Lewis this allowed him to cash in on an extension much earlier than his first round counterparts, the only down side being his baby mommas get paid that much earlier too.
Allen is an icon, for better or worse he'll define this generation
3. AI- It’s hard to put Allen as low as 3, especially considering his torrid MVP like start to the season. His scoring is at an all time high @33per while his assists still rank him among the top ten (7.5), he's always been a top thief 2.2 and his fg% is his best since '97-8 @45%, only his turnovers 3.4 are higher than his rebs 3.3 and his threes hover around 1per. No matter what AI is a stat monster, in any given week he can put up 40 per with high assists, keep him high on your draft list, but be wary of his trade status, its not a given that Allen finishes his career a sixer. Side note; where to start? I've personally witnessed Allen groping groupie ass at a pool hall while drinking a lime green cocktail (most likely mountain dew and grey goose), Allen's also been known to skateboard on chestnut @2 in the morning, this man is a comic book in a jack russell terriers body. Many, many books can be written about this man's life. This cartoon is wildly tasteless but funny, check it out
4. Chauncey- a true mvp type season, Billups, like Gilbert, only lacked in his rebounding production at 3.2 per, his threes 2.4 and assists 8.7 set career marks while leading the team to the best record in the league. If Chauncey had a more PG like steal average (he is just below one per) he'd be a top 10 player overall. Like Kidd though, his fg% hovers around 40, you should still look for Billups to be a late 3rd round steal next year. Side note; despite being one of the leagues fugliest men, Chauncey boasts a true dime piece of a wife, proof that money and power do equal dank puntang.
I know its a small picture, but I've seen some good shots of her, and she can gets it
5. Nash- Crazy that the best PG in basketball is listed at #5 isn't it? But this is fantasy basketball, and Nash is a beast in assists 10.5, career high in points at 19.4 and his 3's are at 2 per. His %'s are sick; 51% fg and 93%ft, no one is close in that category, but his steals are an anemic .7 and drop his value at the point in fantasy, his status as a league MVP candidate will continue for a few years as long as the Phoenix core is intact, he's worth a late 3rd round pick, or even higher if you look to dominate assists in a roto league. Side note; this wild Canadian boinked Elizabeth Hurley and spice girl Geri Hallowell, he noted that they both fart loudly in bed and give quite "toothy" head, common issues among English broads.
Nash Bridges slayed Austin Power's original ho and a spice girl
6. Chris Paul- A superstar already, fuck the best rookie, he's among the best at his position in general. He controls games and has carried two cities on his back all year. The NOK Hornets won’t make the playoffs but they were a threat the majority of the season in a deep western conference. His trip double skills will make him a second round pick next year, just look at his numbers, if he adds a three to his game he'll be #1 soon; 16ppg 8apg 5rpg and 2.2 steals .7 3pfg. Side note; the Jazz, Hawks and Jailblazers all passed up on Paul in the draft, if you look at the circumstances all three gm's should be fired and beaten; the Jazz drafted a pg, and felt that Deron Williams was a greater talent, no dice, Imagine Paul and AK together for years. The Hawks added Marvin Williams to the absurd collection of swingmen they've compiled; childress/smith/harrington, Williams has dope untapped talent but Paul is the pg they've needed for years. GM John Nash is a Philly native who must be smoking that dope that Damon left behind, b/c he traded out of the top 3 to draft Martell Webster, a talent for sure, but he still should have bucked the sg need and drafted Paul. He already messed up bad taking Seabass over Jameer, and now he has 8 players on parole and the Blazers are holding pregame dogfights and craps games, I just don’t see how people missed the boat on this kid; he dominated the ACC as a sophomore.
7. Mike Bibby- Last year was a hallmark year statistically for our favorite black and white cookie. His rebounds, assists and steals are significantly down from last season, when he was a top 3 fantasy PG. His 3's have seen a boost while every other major catergory hs dipped, and I'm willing to give Bibby the benefit of the doubt since he had no one to defuse double teams up until Artest showed up. Bibby is always a good 4th round pick, people just pass him by every year it seems. He only lacks the high assists that more "true" pg's possess, either way he's a stud and the main reason the Kings stayed afloat this year. Side note; Bibby's dad Henry was a 3 time champ with wooden/ucla in college, as well as the USC head coach when Mike came out of high school, Mike essentially told his absentee pops to eat dog cock by signing with 'Zona and relished the opportunity to beat on him twice a year. Henry is an assistant with the 76ers now, and they've since reconciled.
Honorable Mention @ PG;
• Mike James, the "Amityville horror" as he's known on the nyc courts has had a career year, averaging 19ppg and 6apg while shooting 46% and dropping 2 traceys per, a contract year for mike, he'll cash in on this production
• Jason Terry, once relegated to the basement in Atl, JT now compliments one of the games elite players in Dirk while putting up 17 ppg on 47%fg and 2.2 3pfg, his assists 3.8 and rebounds 1.9 are gross, but you'll take that considering he's a later round steal who can keep you afloat with threes and FG%.
Luol Deng doing the sudan break dance, and my man Hinrich getting passed by Jameer
• Delonte West/Jameer Nelson; the St.Joe's boys are stat fillers in the league, players considered to be role players and borderline starters are now the building blocks of their respective franchises. West is a fantasy monster with the ability to contribute in nearly every category; since being names the starter he’s averaged nearly 15ppg, 4.2apg, 4.1rpg, 1.2spg and .7 blks to go with 1.2 3pt fg and 50% fg shooting, that’s a sick line, Jameer has been dope as a starter too; 16ppg 5apg 3.5rpg and 1.1 spg on 50% shooting, both players possess maturity and poise, and both were passed over by many teams, notably the Blazers passing up on Nelson the AP player of the year to take Telfair, good move.
• Kirk Hinrich; aka Nick Geez, is the only top 15 player at his position on the Bulls and his numbers prove it; 16ppg 6.3apg 1.6 3pfg and 1.2 steals, this true American whitey goes unnoticed in the league and should get his due.
Qyntel Woods is definitley a lowlife, but giving the cop his Rookie card as an ID is priceless.
Luol Dengs breakdance pic was awsome
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