Fantasy Dork Central

Week 12 Review;

Ha bitch, I saw yo titty (she got too big too fast, no early career nudity has me salty)




It's been a season of injury. Leftwich goes down for atleast a month with a broken ankle, Jaimie Martin gets knocked the fuck out and the 3rd string rook Fitzpatrick (from Harvard) goes for 300 and 3 TDs against the depressing Texans (they can fuck any lead up). Bubba Franks, despite having minimal fantasy value, took a husker to the neck from B.Dawk. The injuries just don't stop coming. What you can do is keep your eyes on the injury updates and waiver wire as the season winds down. There are many players who will be sitting in the final weeks because of playoff seeding. Watch for those teams that establish their seeding and will likely sit their stars for the playoff run. If you have a star, protect that investment with his backup; Rhodes for Edge, Morris for Shaun are main examples. You will have enjoyed that teams running success all year and watch some asshole in your league play their backups. In any case, here is a quick run down of the week that was, tomorrow expect a full week 13 preview as the fantasy playoff seeding is crucial for most of you, except those sad fucks who can't field a competent team.

• LT and Lamont are the best fantasy rbs this year. Shaun is incredible but lacks the receptions that can save him in a game where his TDs dont flow. Don't get me wrong, Shaun is a real MVP candidate and a true fantasy superstar, but even with 20 TDs, Lamont is neck and neck with him in most fantasty formats. How? he has nearly 60 receptions and is in on all 3 downs. LT is just a maniac.
  
• Joey J does it again, he is making himself lots of dough right now, he is a major TD threat and will continue to be one when D. Jax gets back. He's not an every week starter depending on your roster, but he is certainly a breakout threat way better than traditional #3 fantasy wideouts, such as his teamate Engram.
  
• Carson is an animal, he is the clear QB mvp, given his draft position in fantasy and his ultimate consistancy, he's the best of the year.
  
• Andre Johnson and the Texans finally looked good, all it takes is the gaping ass of the Rams defense to make you look good, some how Mike Martz and his bloody shit stained heart are responsible for this.
  
• Shock nuts is a true top threat at TE, besides Gates, he is the best. I mean, Gonzo is dog shit, he has what? one TD to Shockey's 7, thats nuts.
  
• Crumpler is also emerging, thanks to the unheralded play of Vick, he is actually playing QB from the pocket on most downs.
  
• Don't believe the hype about Marcus Robinson, he's a prolific clown shoe and should be cumming on a boey in no time with his teamates.
  
• Gado, the incredible African wonder, returns to relevance after completely dick dogging Dawkins and Trotter on a 33 yard TD run, he's not a great fantasy player, but is worth a look in a few weeks versus the Lions.
  
• With out any notice, Brooks has 6 Tds over the last two weeks, don't trust him, he stink fingers little thai boys and wears a sidekick in the huddle.
  
• Jamal Lewis impressed the D block and had a solid outing, he's a good play in some games coming up, notably against the Texans this week.
  
• If your struggling for reciever depth Battle had a good week, and the SFran passing game isnt complete cat shit since Dorsey is in, but watch for Smith over the final weeks, that could end all value the team may have.
  
• Chris Brown is emerging as a very solid #2, he's actually a top 10 fantasy RB, so keep him in your lineup, but protect him with Travis Henry, who ran for 80+ yards on 13 carries spelling an injured Brown this week.
  

First off, homeboys not even that diesel, second, I hope he's a righty, cause jerking off would be a lifetime issue



Side Notes:




Throughout years of watching NBA basketball I've always maintained an all ugly team, sometimes you even had some bench spots. Tyrone "Skeletor" Hill being a prime example, Popeye Jones and the vastly under rated troll that was Pig Miller. The List can go on; Tim Thomas is no looker, Sam Cassell is the leader of an alien tribe, Calvin Booth looks like he got hit by 9 shovels. But who can we name to this list in the NFL? With helmets its tough, you never see most players. But you have to scower, and find the ugliest fucks in the league and give them their due. On friday I'll post a full position by position all ugly team, and I'd like any and all comments to put this list together.





In closing, Keep your eyes on the prize hoes, its money time. Keep in mind players matchups and pick up some insurance for your studs if you haven't already, they could be sat for several reasons as the season ends, pay particular attention to the playoff teams, they have no interest in keeping your super gay fantasy team in contention. That being said, good luck nerds, most of you need it.

Week 12 Preview; waiver wire info
looks and touches

check this cartoon out, its a sad but true depiction on the eagles year

Even this moron is into bird sex



First; the Turkey Games;

Thursday @ 12:30 Atlanta at Detroit;

The Lions and Cowboys own thanksgiving. Sadly. I don't remember the last good turkey day game. This year hopes to be much better. Even though the Lions blow, the game should be fun to watch. Vick knows when he is in the spotlight. The Lions however, have taken this game for granted for years now. They haven't been exciting to watch since Barry. It's not exciting when the biggest question is if they should pull the bust loser QB and put in the lispy bald turd QB. The super WR experiment has failed miserably. With those picks the Lions passed on tons of talent at other positions. They are now forcing Rogers to forfeit 11 mil of his signing bonus, that's a lot in NFL terms, effectively ending his career in motown. Mike Williams is talented but injury prone, same with Roy. The biggest disappointment though has been Kevin Jones. He finished 2004 so strong that he was predicted to be a top 10 fantasy back, maybe even elite. That didn't work out. Instead he has struggled to get numbers all year. True he has little passing game to help him, but that didn't stop him last year. The Lions will be fired up for this one. Mooch knows he needs a prime time win to save face. Too bad he faces the Falcons. Their pass rush is among the best in the league. D'Angelo Hall has emerged as a top corner (holding Galloway to zero catches this past week). Surprisingly Vick has shown signs of comfort in the pocket of late. The biggest issue that faces this team is their run defense. They made Samkon Gado and Antowain Smith look like stars. Two teams in different directions in this one. I see a close game though, as both teams get past the short week knowing the nation is watching. I like the Falcons by less than a touch.

Good Plays; This won't happen often, if ever, but play Vick. He is good for 2TDs in this one, maybe more. Dunn is a solid play, but Duckett is back and steals the goaline again. The Atl defense isnt a bad play, but they could give up a couple of tds to the talented but disappointing Kevin Jones. Crumpler is a play, since he's Vicks favirote target. The Lions boast Roy Williams and KJ as their only solid plays. But I can't blame if you get some players (ie Pollard) in their just to watch them on a thursday.


only by request ladies



Thursday @ 4:30, Denver at Dallas;


Now this is a good game. For years now the Boys have sucked bum grundle. This year Tuna has them ready for a playoff run. Denver is the better team. But this game is in Dallas on a short week. So it's not going to be easy to get a win for the Broncos. Jake Plummer is playing the best football of his career. Famous for left handed passes and handle bar mustaches, Plummer now accepts the role of game manager. He can and will beat you with his arm, only when given the oppurtunity or reason to. Mike Anderson has emerged as a workhorse. Bell has signs of brilliance, but is prone to injury and fumbles. Their defense recieved a major overhaul this offseason. It's not a great defense at all. The secondary is the bust, with Champ and Lynch you'd expect elite coverage, not the case here. The line backers hold this thing together. The Boys have an undersized but tough defense. With DeMarcus Ware emerging as a future star in this league. It doesen't hurt when McNabb throws the ball at your defense either. But in any case, the Boys seemed to have solved many of last years defensive issue in the draft. Their offense is very similar to the Broncos. One strong possesion reciever, one deep threat burner. A solid one two punch at RB and a veteran game manager that takes little risk with the pill. All this proves to produce a great game. So fuck your family and loved ones, watch this game. It will be close throughout. In hoping that Denver gives the shocker to Dallas I choose the Broncs to win, on an Elam fg with less than a minute.

Good Plays; Lots of plays here. Sit both defenses though, this could be a high scoring relatively mistake free game. Bledsoe and Plummer are good plays though, as both teams can be beat deep. Witten is a bust at this point, but play him since he's your top guy. Smith and Lelie are good plays, as are Glenn and Key. Mike Anderson is the stud now, with Bell gimpy. It's hard to say who to play between JJ and Barber. I'd say play JJ for his totals and touches, but Barber could steal his TDs, either player is a weak #2 option. Play both kickers as drives could stall in this playoff like game.

Kind of takes the nobility of teaching thing down a notch or two



Back to Sunday;

Bmore at Cinci;

The team once know as the Bungals won many believers this past week playing well against a prolific Colts team. Chad promised a top game, he delivered. The team is still suspect to the run though. Thats not an issue in this one. Offensively the Ravens have been offensive. They will most likely part with Jamal Lewis just two seasons after his 2G year. He's 26 and in prison shape, and he still can't produce. It's officially Chester Taylor time. See, the Ravens invested in Taylor this past offseason by matching the Browns offer sheet for him. Before they landed Droughns the Browns went after Taylor. That signing proves to be the end of the Lewis era in Bmore. It should ultimately prove to be the end of Billicks reign. Who is truly testing how long a coach can surf a super bowl wave. His prowess was always supposed to be offense. He helped create the 3 reciever idea in Minnesotta in the late nineties. Before then it was uncommon to have your 3rd reciever on the field for anything other than 3rd down or catch-up time. Billick supposedly engineered the 15-1 '98 offense that Randall lead. Since then he's done nothing on that side of the ball. His offense is dog shit. He has talent everywhere except QB. Now 3-7 and with no chance of postseason play, the Leinart watch is now on. The Bengals have far less issues, and already own a top USC QB. Palmer is the single most accurate QB in the league. Ask any major scout. He doesen't just get you the ball, he asks which shoulder and if you want it on your fingers or palm. If the Bengals get a solid recieving TE, watch out. This won't be a blow out, as the Ravens will rarely allow that, but it will be a solid win for the Bengals. Marv Lewis has them serious and thinking playoff run, not just playoffs.

Good Plays; Palmer and Chad, no shit. Rudi for TDs. TJ for receptions. The Bengals defense is a good play, Bmore is not. Imagine that. Mason will have a very good game. Watch for Mark Clayton to play better at the end, but not worthy of a play yet. Heap is a victim of his QB play. Taylor gets solid reception numbers ala Perry, and Lewis is a shit head. Play both kickers as this could be an ugly one.



Carolina at Buffalo;

Here are two teams that are supposed to have dominant defenses. Injury has changed that. The Bills rank among the worst against the run, and are coming of a 48-10 donkey dicking against the Bolts. The Panthers have shown signs of life, yet were dominated by the Bears line last week. The Bills are a strange team. They have an aging but potentially potent defense. Their offense seemed poised to play well with Holcombe but McGahee can't move the ball. They are one of , if not the hardest team to predict in the league. The Panthers boast an extremely talented defensive team. They have been worn down against the run though, and can be set up in play action. Their offense is Steve Smith, and Steve Smith. He is a beast. A 5-10 MVP candidate. Stephen Davis is a nice story, but is TDs only. Delhomme is a good QB, but is nothing without Smith's elite play. The Panthers will win this game. It will be tough and ugly, like lesbian softball team. The Panthers by a TD.

Good plays; Steve Smith and Davis are the plays on the Panthers offense, really thats it. Jake is a good player, but the Bills could pick him more than once. Play both defenses, with the Panthers being a top play against Losman. Lee Evans may shake free for a long one. Play Willis, but he's not a #1 right now, and no one know why.


move your head back and forth you tool shed




Chicago at Tampa Bay;

A great game here. In what would make a great national game, only trashers in Tampa and Da'Bears fans will catch this one. The Bears have one of the best defenses in years. They are an elite group capable of saving Orton from himself. Tampa is a solid defensive unit, but no where near the level of the Bears. Numbers alone don't tell the story. The Bears line is young and mean, athletic and big. Their linebackers, lead by Urlacher, are elite. And they'll send half their secondary to Hawaii. Tampa is undersized and aging on all counts. They have given up a lot of points these past weeks and have shown signs of wear. They can still make a big play, but are not capable of 4 quarters of dominance as the Bears are. Lovie Smith is coach of the year. On offense both teams prefrer to run. The Bears have gotten a lot out of Thomas Jones this year, who has run for his career this season. Mushin would be a much better fantasy play if Orton wasn't their QB, but he is. Thats the major element missing on this team. Grossman sucks too. They need a QB for the future. Some young wideouts (Gage is promising though) would help too. Tampa wore down Caddy, who despite last weeks good game, is still a suspect start in fantasy, especially against this team. It's hard to trust that Bears offense, but I think they win another ugly one.

Good Plays; Jones is a solid start, against a weakening Tampa rush defense. Mushin is a #3 play. Both defenses are starters. Galloway is suspect after last weeks egg, but play him unless your super deep. Don't expect much production by either team in this field position game.


Cleveland at Minny;

Two relatively shitty teams playing well lately. A canyon of talent between the coaches. The Browns have their eyes forward on the future. The Vikings eyes are bloodshot from coke and weed. Despite their wins, they still suck. They've beaten one good team (Giants) and did it by huge special teams and defensive plays. Johnson has stepped in an played well enough not to lose. He is a smart cagey veteran who despite looking like a math teacher is tough and tested. If Tice would stick to the run with Moore and Fiason the team could have a winning record this season, which is amazing. It seems that the only thing he sticks too is that huge unused pencil. No matter what I would fire Tice. He is a clow shoe of epic proportion, and despite their solid play, they were supposed to be good. It's not an achievement when your teams plays its way out of a hole you created. Cleveland has a stud back in Droughns, who is on pace to be their first 1000 yard rusher in 20 years (thats sick). Braylon is demanding the ball and will produce with his elite talent, and Bryant is a solid #2 for a long time. If re-re Winslow ever stays on the field this team could be good. Give Romeo two seasons. In 2007 this team will be a contender. The Frye experiment will begin soon, and the team will test itself. After all these wins and the return to .500, the Vikings will choke balls this week and lose ugly to the Browns, who come off of a dominating performance over Miami.

Good plays; Droughns is a top fantasy rb till he shows otherwise. Moore is worth a play here, but isn't a play unless you need him. Wiggins is a top reception te. Sit the QBs. Play the Cleveland defense if your in a bind. Braylon could have his coming out party here. Not much else here.

That dudes all up in his taint



NE at KC;

The Pats now own their division. They have no comp, the rest of them suck. KC however, is in the best race in the AFC. The Pats have relied heavily on Brady lately, and he has produced. Further proving that he is the games top QB. He doesen't have Edge/Marvin/Wayne etc to look to, he has Tim Dwight, Pass and Branch to look to. He is simply clutch. It's the running game that has stalled. I have no clue whats going on with Dillon. Even when healthy he was a disappointment. LJ is on the other spectrum of his career. He's an absolute beast. He is the top play for the rest of the year in fantasy. Shaun is amazing but may be pulled once seeding is over, LJ and his team will fight to the end, so expect sickness out of him. Billichick lost his pops this week, and Green lost his last week, so this will be an emotional game for both teams. You can't continue to think of this New England defense the same way anymore. They are depleted by injury and free agency. KC will pass and run all over them. But I can't see the Pats losing here. They are winnners, and KC is seemingly a bunch of losers. In a shootout I like Vinnateri for a late game winner.

Good plays; LJ for sure. Tony and Eddy for sure. Trent and Tom are great plays. Branch and Watson are solid. Both kickers will be used heavily. Check on Dillons status, if he's a go, he's a good TD threat.


San Diego at Washington;

The Chargers got a major scare last week with Gates being injured. He is vital to everything they do. LT is amzaing and all, but Gates opens it all up. He seems ok though, and is listed as day to day at this point. The Redskins are back to being an anemic offense it seems. At home against Oakland they couldn't produce at all on offense. Brunell is having a nice year, but can not be relied on to win games. This team needs size at reciever. Moss is a great threat, but is suffering from a lack of help in the coverage schemes. Both teams have athletic talented LBs, but the Skins have a much better secondary. Both teams lack a potent pass rush. Although Merriman for the Bolts will be a perenial pro bowler. The Bolts are 6-4 and are fighting to make the playoffs. If you ask me, they got fucked by their schedule, a brutal stretch to start the season stacked the odds against them. The Skins are not a playoff team, and have no business winning this game. I see the Chargers winning, with Marty remembering just how Danny treated him in DC.


horrendous injuries is the funniest part, we laugh, meanwhile this man pisses through his calf



San Fran at Tennessee;

Two young and rebuilding teams. Both teams have good coaches. The defenses are similar; young and aggressive. The niners have to be commended for competing in nearly every game this year, they have proven many odds makers wrong. These teams are better than their record shows. In a few years they will both be back. The Titans need to make better use of their offensive talent. They have three talented tight ends, two talented backs and two good wide outs. I would begin to use Volek now, to see if he can indeed be my future QB. McNair is a warrior, and can still win you a game, but can not sustain an offense for the season with his health. Fischer is too loyal to start Volek, but it would really be in the team's best interest. Smith may need to play soon to, just to get more miles under his belt. Dorsey is a career backup who can play well, but will never be able to lead a contender. Tennesse wins this one since their home and have a better offense.

Good plays; McNair is a solid play this week despite my beliefs, as is Bennett and Kinney, who will be heavy targets all day. Chris Brown is a solid #2 now, he has remained healthy and productive. Brandon Lloyd makes the best catches in football, I swear he has the best hands in the game, even TO thinks so. He is worth a start at #3 as long as Dorsey plays. Play both kickers, and the Tenn defense is a sleeper play.


St. Louis at Houston;

The Rams are back at it. Passing too much again. Martz's pace maker doubles as a celly as he may have snuck some calls in last week. With all that offensive talent, and a weak division to play in, they are still 4-6. Bulger is out again, maybe for the year. He is a statue, and will get injured every season if they continue to pass so much. It's not a mystery to the defenses. They need to commit to Steven Jackson. He's a beast, a total monster who can dominate the likes of the Jaguars, but can't get enough looks against the Cardinals. Maybe Warner wouldn't have had 300+ and 3Tds had you used the clock, rode Jackson and worn down a depleted Cardinals defense. Three of their four wins are because Jackson dominated. Give him the ball you morons. It's possible to satiate your passing offense and run, really it is. Houston is a shit baster of a team. They have talent on both sides, but not much. They need to fire Capers now. Get a young talented coach from the pro ranks and rebuild. They have D.Davis and Johnson on offense, and Greenwood and Robinson on defense. Carr is suspect, but has never had protection. They need to go after offensive line bad. Despite being such a mess, they can win this game. With Davis running wild on the Rams, I like them to win this game. Though they are still the worst team in football.

Good Plays; not only because he's my best player, but because the matchup is sick, I love D.Davis in this game. Andre is a good play too. Holt and Bruce are good plays, with Curtis stealing a long TD here, Martin loves him. Play Marting, but sit Carr, since no one has him anyway. I'd sit both D's here, and play both kickers, this should be like last week; the Rams getting gapped by a bad team.


As my brother would say, "I'd eat a foot of her shit to see where it came from"



Jax at Arizona;

The Rams underestimated the Cardinals passing game last week. That, or they really do suck on defense that much. This Cardinals team is the single most pass heavy offense in the league, and could set a record for the least rush attempts in a season ever. Warner is nearly done but has some fight left in him. Having McCown sit provokes you to believe that he is not their QB of the future. Fittz and Boldin are young and dominant. They play off eachother wonderfully. Larry is the jump ball deep threat. Bolding the across the middle safety valve. They will torture for years to come. Their development makes you wonder if Denny Green is the true architect of the 1998 Vikings passing attack, not Brian Billick. JJ Arington is looking much better recently, with two games with a TD in a row here, but he still needs till next year to be a threat. You can not ask an offensive line to learn how to run block together in week 12. The Eagles learned that recently. The Jags are a sleeper team. No one mentions them among the threats in the AFC to challenge the Colts. Well realize it now fucksauce, these cats are for real. With the young recievers emerging a year befor anyone expected, the team offers a dynamic offense when Taylor and Jones can run well. Their defense suffered the big loss of Darius but have rebounded well and kept teams from passing on them. Del Rio is the only other coach of the year candidate besides Lovie in my opinion. I mean, Dungy is a great coach, but he came in with a potent offense, needing to revamp their defense. Del Rio took this team from the dumps, stuck in cap lock, and methodically built a steelers like approach to running and defense. I can't see the Jags losing here, the Cards have improved, but have a ways to go against a true playoff team such as the Jags.

Good plays; Left is a solid play, Warner is an ok play, if you have McNabb or Bulger out or something, you cant sit Fittz, Boldin either, JJ is not a horrible option, I can't belive I said that, but he could get a TD again here. Greg Jones is a marginal play, since Taylor is back. Matt Jones and Wilford are now plays over Jimmy, thats nuts considering Smith's start this season. Play the Jags defense, and play both kickers, especially my dog Rackers, he's the best kicker in fantasy, and maybe even real football.



Miami at Oakland;

The Fins had a rough week. Getting some half dollar asshole love from the Browns, in a 22-0 shut out. That game prompted Sabin to say this year is a tryout, a year to assess talent and build a framework for the future. That is all very true, it's just not something you often hear from a coach. The fish have a solid, but crowded backfield in Brown and Williams. You have to hope that Williams plays well like he has and garners value for a trade for draft picks. The defense needs an overhaul. Junior is out for the year, Zach is hurt for the next several weeks, and Jason Taylor still has years left but is struggling with injury as well. You have a lot of positions to address on this team, I'd start with d-line and LB, right after I get a QB. They seem like the best option for Phillip Rivers, he's a top pick caliber, who has been learning an NFL system for years now, you should assume he can play now. The Raiders are being punished for that horrible 0-3 start. They lost their first two games on their own mistakes. That being said they are not a bad team. Their defense is generally dogshit, but they have a good line and it keeps pressure for their weak LBs and secondary to recover. Their offense is still potent despite Randy's very dissapointing year. If they get a hold of a young QB, they could be dangerous for years to come. Both teams should be resigned to no playoff chances, but the Raiders are still the better team. Oakland scores in the 30's with Lamont running wild.

Good Plays; Lamont is a stud, Collins is a good play, Porter is a stud recently, a true #2 maybe a 1-A if you need him to. You'll play Moss but can't expect crazy numbers, only hope for them. Ronnie Brown plays well this week, with Ricky getting yds but no endzone. Can't trust McMichael or Chambers either, they have suffered from the QB play. Sit both defenses, but play the Raiders if anything, start Seabass.



This is the best thing I've seen about the Eagles all year




GB at Philadelphia;

Just last year this could have been a playoff matchup. Now it's a lower tier game. The Pack are a mess. Sherman is a moron, and not the general, the shit head coach. He has no eye for talent, and has not replenished any defensive talent since he's been there. This team is years away from mattering, and Favre should get out now. Samkon got stuffed by the Vikings defense, which does very little for his confidence. And with Walker out, the passing game has suffered. The Birds are still a highly talented team. They lack depth and speed on the outside on their defense. They must address strong side linebacker. Whenever the defense has been truly good, they have had a solid s.a.m. (Emmons/Barber). Last years draft collected lots of depth, but little immediacy outside of Brown and Patterson. This year they'll have a good draft position, and I suggest they draft defensive talent. Address the loss of Owens by going after Reggie Wayne in a huge way. The line up of Wayne, Brown and Pinkston is not bad. They desperately need a tackles back too, and should look at Davenport. In any case, this season is over for both teams. Philly is still the better team overall, they win by 7.

Good Plays; not many here, Favre is ok, Driver is solid. Sit Gado and Franks. Play LJ and Westbrook, McMahon is a weak fill in. The Philly defense could see some picks. Reggie Brown should have a nice day againt Al Harris. This is so sad that the Eagles aren't a lock here.

Week 11 Review;

(This week you can expect a full preview of week 12/ and a sleeper/bust run down)

watch this, its an eagles cartoon, be patient, its horribly true

Coolest Name Ever




With only two weeks left in the fantasy regular season (depending on your league) things are heating up. You are either jockeying for position or fighting to get in. If your one of those sad losers who has no playoff hopes try your hardest to fuck your friends over. Nothing beats winning. In one league I lost and had the second highest point total by far. That kind of shit happens. But I feel ok about it because I played my best team. You want to get the most out of your team each week. Too often people scrutinize over who to play. Stick with your gut, and stick with the facts. Check the match-ups and check the player's history against that team. Most often there is an indication of who to go with based on the research. Most importantly stick with your studs. They will fuck you once in a while, but you'll be super nut salty if you sit a star for a goon with a great match-up.

This week the stars dominated. No real out of no where Gado type shit this week. Here are the big stories from week 11;


One of the more gangsta ways to go out

• Drew Brees is the bol, you gotta love him, 4TDs. He has a shit mark on his face and he still dominates professional football, astounding character. He has officially forced the Chargers to trade Rivers, how can you explain letting him go to the fans? (and to Gates)
• In other Chargers news, Gates left the game in the 3rd with an ankle injury, after tests on monday, Gates is listed as day to day. He says he feels like he'll play next week, all Gates owners can put down the gun.
  
• Mike Anderson is a stud, with Bell nursing a chest bruise on the sidelines sunday, Mike had 3Tds and ran well. He is the clear start between the two now.
  
• Larry Johnson is in the same class with Edge fantasy wise, maybe even above him at this point. I would never sit him, only LT and Shaun(who by the way is on his way to the most TDs ever) are better for the rest of the year.
  
• Don't expect Leftwhich to get you 4 Tds again. He is a very good young QB, and will be a solid fantasy play with his match ups, but dont go overboard. He is still outside of the top 5 by a good margin.
  
• Steve Smith is an animal, no TD? fine fuck you I'll catch 14 passes, thats incredible.
  
• Chad backed up his shit talking, and proposed to a cheerleader, he's the man. Here's a cool Peter King article about him and TO.
  
• Eli kept up with Peyton this week, no one could have expected Eli to mature this much.
  
• Galloway had no catches, what an ass clown, I know he's been a top wr so far, but what true #1 reciever gets shut out like that?
  
• Chris Brown has been productive lately, staving off Henry all together. He is a solid #2 at this point. But he also runs like Michael Johnson, too upright. If he doesent learn to get his pads down he'll never make it.
  
• Larry and Boldin both produced, thats like the 3rd game that they have both been top fantasy players in the same game. They are the best 1 and 2 in football. I really believe that. I like both of them more than Wayne so who is better?
• With little talk, Vick has been very sharp recently. He put up 298 on high % this week, he's actually getting better. Atlanta isn't a great team, but I wouldn't be surprised if they make the super bowl.
• Droughns is now a weekly play, he always had the yards, now he's adding the TDs.
  
• Grab Braylon Edwards now if he's available, he is gonna shit on the second half. He is uber talented and is now the focus of the passing game.

Hole in one baby



I promise to all you goons and nerds a full preview this week, along with booby pics and animals fucking. Peace

Week 10 Review; short and sweet bitches


Bird sex will never die, will it?


Another week gone by in the NFL. The fantasy playoffs begin in the next month and you best be gettin yo shit together. You never know how it's all gonna go down, but you can prepare for the run by making some moves to solidify your team. First and foremost make the playoffs. In my league a few players made major moves that cost them a week or even more of contention. They thought that they could afford to do so since they were getting good players in doing so, no dice. Never throw the towel in on a week. Even if it doesen't seem like your week, play your best players and look for any adds you can make to make your squad better that week. Waiver moves can be as important as blockbuster deals. In any case, mad shit happened this week in football. I'll go over some of the major stories that arose.

• The Eagles season is over after last nights horrible finish. They were supposed to be the hungry team, and made no effort to seal their lead with clock management. Andy Reid truly believes he has figured out football, that he can use this new style of pass dominated offense and let talent walk on all sides of the ball and still be a success. Sorry you fat red mormon, you can not plug in any player and win. Corey Simon and Ike Reese would help right now wouldn't they? McNabb should get surgery and the team should prepare for the draft, they will get a top ten pick, with out trading up. Oh how the mighty have fallen.
• In brighter news, Samkon Gado is a stud. He put up respectable numbers on the Steelers and then killed the Falcons. He was named the starting back today by Sherman. I picked him up in my league and he won me my game. He is a good #2 going forward. Awesome little Nigerian dude, gotta love Gado. He might even be their future back if he keeps it up, Green is a free agent and is gone for sure.
  
• Eli struggled like a mu'fucka this week. 4 picks against the Vikings? thats absurd. He is still so young, you forget that after his play so far. He'll rebound, the Giants are a playoff team.
  
• Peyton on the other hand is back as one of if not the best QB in fantasy again. I know Palmer is a stud and all, but he plays a tougher schedule and is not as proven and Manning. Funny how he went from a major dissapointment to a top 3 QB in fantasy again. Now that McNabb looks so bad it seems its really on Palmer and Peyton at the top.
  
• The Carolina Panthers are looking very good, with Davis hitting paydirt every week and the defense ass gaping these clowns every week, they seem like a legit super bowl threat to me.
  
• Alert; a white running back was spotted in Miami, his name his Heath Evans, add him, he's actually a good player if Dillon is out more, plus he's a crazy white boy, you gotta watch out for those.
  
  "I know, I know, his name is Dick, thats crazy."
  
  
  
  
• Roy Williams went crazy this week. Even crazier is that Garcia will now start, good move dicks. Between two retards I'll take the one who threw 3TDs.
  
• Chris Simms put up three TDs on a tough Redskins defense. This was a great game, a surprise shoot out.
  
• Larry Fittz is a sure pro bowler for many years to come. He produces no matter who else is next to him at wr. He's gonna be coveted in next years drafts. He somehow chose Pitt, which I'm proud of.
  
• Lee Evans showed signs of life this week with Losman coming in and performing well. Add him if he's available.
• Shaun Alexander is a monster, a real deal hollyfield killer, he may top 30 with his schedule. But be aware he may not be in the mix if they solidify homefield really early.
  

Finally, Mike Tice is awesome. It's ashame he wont be around next year to make fun of. He got a 15 yard misconduct penalty for running on the field in a game he was actually winning. He also claims to have torn three major ligaments in his knee after being flipped over in a collision where he was once again too close to the action. This capicol eating gorilla is a treasure to this league. No one will ever be such a high percentage of ape and lead a 700 million dollar business again (besides our president). He's gonna take that huge, unused pencil and sell it on ebay, just like he sold those super bowl tix.


"We're outta prosciutto Ralphie!"




This is the best injury pic I've found yet, it's all real




I'll put up a full preview tomorrow, and will put up sleepers/busts as well. Peace fantasy goons

Week 10 Preview; last week on byes; SD, Cin, Ten, NO

Instead of trying to get a national sharpie endorsement, Terrell ventures into the highly competitive peanut brittle market, atleast he's smart in business


injury status
its a cool story, but major dissapointment when you see them
looks and touches

Denver at Oakland;

The Broncos come off of a bye looking to take control of the division. With the Chiefs and Chargers right behind them, a win in Oakland is a must. Two months ago that would be easy. Turner began the year going deep often and giving Jordan minimal touches. Not one win. When Lamont gets the ball 20 times the team is undefeated. Much like the Rams are learning, the Raiders now realize that a power back opens up the game. With all the hype focused on Moss, it's Jordan who has emerged as the engine of the Raiders attack. He is a versatile and explosive back. He has never had less than 4 catches in a game and is on pace for 80 receptions. Moss on the other hand has no more than 5 catches in any single game. Even when healthy Moss remains a deep threat first. He is not a complete reciever in every sense. The Raiders need to address the QB situation for long term success. I wouldnt be surprised if they go after one of the Charger's boys or trade up in the draft. Collins is a (former) lush with no long term promise. With all that talent on offense, a QB down the road would be nice. The defense is a complete mess. With the exception of Burgess, their line and secondary is suspect. The Broncos have established a solid defensive scheme. They have athletic ends and an elite LB core. If anything it's the touted secondary that fails them. I like the Broncos this year. They have depth on offense with no one real star. Plummer isn't beating teams (except philly) himself anymore, he is managing victories. The Broncos will win in a hotly contested shoot out.

Good Plays; I like Plummer and Collins in this one, both should see 2 TDs, it's hard to say who I'd start between Mike Anderson and Bell, start em both; they are both top 12-15 backs, Jordan is a no brainer here. Porter has really surprised, he is the best play in this passing offense, Moss however is gimpy, but you must have invested heavily in him, so you must play him if he's a go, just dont expect more than decoy numbers. No tight end here is consistant, I like Rod Smith here for good totals. But Lelie could be the one with a super long TD. Sit both defenses, and play both kickers.



"smoke a lil, suck on this bitch's titty, thats a good day"




NYJ at Carolina;

The Jets are a tough team. They play hard despite major injury. I think Edwards is done though. His offense is unimaginative even when healthy. They traded a high second round pick for Doug Jolley. Good move boys. They have a scarcity of young talent on offense. In my opinion it's rebuild time. Give up on Chad and you'll need to scout Martin's replacement soon. Pay Vilma and Ellis/Abraham and stock up on o-line in the draft. In two years they could be a playoff team. Edwards has them playing tough, but there is a very real limit on this teams potential, regardless of injury. Carolina is on the other side of the spectrum. John Fox's teams always play hard. But they also have potent talent on both sides and a very real vertical passing attack. Can you imagine this years team with Mushin? It would be the top fantasy offense. The defense is diesel after a slow start. They are begining to recover from the major loss of Jenkins. The Panthers and Falcons are the class of the NFC. The Panthers will kill whoever quarterbacks for the Jets, look for a pig raping in this one.

Good plays; Curtis Martin and Coles are the only plays, marginal, but play them. Davis is a TD machine, start him for sure. Delhomme may not go off here, but Smith is a safe bet, even with Ty on him. Play the Panthers defense for sure, and play both kickers.


what the fuck you thinks gonna happen? their spleens are gonna be ruptured in bout 5 minutes



New England at Miami;

The Pats need to win. You don't hear that often. But it's true. They are 4-4 just like the Birds are. It's not nearly as tough of a road as the Eagles have though. The AFC east is super weak. The Pats can easily make the playoffs this year. That being said they need to take care of a feisty Fins squad. Sabin will have this team winning very soon. But he needs a QB to take them there. This will be a very physical game, but the Dolphins can't keep up with Brady's arm. This will be a fairly easy win for the champs. Even though the Dolphins can run well with their tandem, they can't overcome their passing game's weakness.

Good Plays; Brady went off on the Colts, he will be solid here too, good for 250 and a pair, I like Branch, hes on pace for a very solid year, play him as your #2 even. Ricky is hurting Brown's value, but I really like Brown this week, the Pats give up numbers. McMichael has been average at best since his torrid start, play him though, he can get open against this LB core. Play the Pats defense, not for totals, but for turnovers and sacks. Corey is a play, since Pass is hurt and the Fins were gashed last week by Dunn. Play both kickers, and sit the Fins defense.

Cleveland at Pitt;

Get ready for some ugly football. Lots of running and hitting. Batch and Dilfer are'nt exactly top guns, never were. But both teams have tough running games to look to. Only difference is that the Steelers boast a mean veteran defense that can contain Droughns. Duce on the other hand, will have all day to run against an improving but suspect Browns defense. Romeo needs two more drafts to have his defense readt to contend. For now it seems that the Browns are content to compete in many games, and lose many as well. The Steelers are too smart and tough to lose this game. It all proves how important that Ben guy really is to his team. The Stillers win in a semi close game.

Good plays; Batch generally ruins the passing game, although I do see Ward producing nice numbers in this game. Batch kills Millers value, play him if you must. Start Duce if you added him, he's a great play this week. Play the Steel defense and play both kickers. Play Droughns if you must, and look for Braylon and Bryant to play well, but in general sit the Browns.

no comment neccessary (watch this shit, its nuts, you need quicktime)



Bmore at Jax;

Both teams boast physical mean defenses. Both rely heavily on their running game and special teams. The difference with these teams being success. Jacksonville plays stout agressive defense, utilizing its super talented tackles and their superb pass defense. Leftwitch is a very solid pocket QB, and their passing game will mature as their young recievers develop. For now though the team must rely on Greg Jones to move the ball, with Freddy "doubtful" Taylor out with an ankle injury. No matter what Del Rio has this team going in the right direction. Billick on the other hand is a clown shoe. Void of humility and class, he continues to display his anemic offense every week. Jamal Lewis looks 32, not 25. Chester Taylor should get some love pretty soon, since he can produce when given the oppurtunity. Billick is loyal to his players, thats great, but your players suck coach. Kyle Boller has never produced, draft/trade whatever, get a new QB dick. The team made serious financial commitments this offseason to it's passing game. None of that has helped. The defense is suspect now as well. Atleast their issues are due to the injuries of Reed and Lewis, elite players. This will be a very close game. I like the Jags in a kickers battle.

Good Plays; wow, there are not many fantasy stand outs here, play both defenses, Jax especially. Play Mason and Smith, both are talented but are limited by their offense's focus, Wilford is an acceptable plug in player, Lefty likes him. Sit Byron though. Play Greg Jones, and if you must, play Jamal. Heap should get looks, but again he's limited by his QB play. Play both kickers.

Thats one confused Elephant, it would be a cool baby though



San Fran at Chicago;

The Bears are a solid team. They play old school football. Hit the shit out of you, and run the ball down your throat. It generally works for them. San Fran has actually been a tougher team than many expected. Mike Nolan is the reason for that success. He has his young defense playing tough. Their offense is kaka poopy, but that defense and special teams has kept them in several games. That being said the Bears will donkey fuck this fools. Too much defense to handle. The Chicago defense is among, if not is the best defense in the league. Urlacher may get defensive player of the year. If Orton or Grossman ever develops into a solid starter this team can go far.

Good Plays; play Benson if Jones cant go, Muhammed is now a #3 in fantasy, sit all Niners, really, if you have them on your team your a moron anyway. Barlow isnt complete dogshit, but he's pretty close, he's a bust though in real football. Play both defenses, really, play the Niners if your in a bind, they are a good group.


St.Louis at Seattle;

The Rams are a better team without Martz. His best show on turf bullshit is over. The league adjusts to offenses. Look at the Colts for example, they had to alter their look to be a great team. The Rams invested wisely in Steven Jackson, he's a beast. I hope they realize that he's a major reason in how they win. The run game keeps their undersized defense fresh, allowing them to make the big plays they are known for. So while Martz yells at his wife and clutches his chest every time he sees Jackson run, the Rams are actually playing balanced football. I also hope the return of Bulger, Holt and Bruce doesen't change this reality. It is possible to utilize both parts of your offense. Seattle is a perfect example. Hassleback has a lot of yards, and a reasonable scoring output. Shaun is a monster, and will not be stopped or contained. This game is for the division. If Seattle wins, they have a big lead and a very favorable schedule to play out. The Rams know this. In a close game, I actually like the Rams. Thats crazy, since Seattle plays so well at home, but I like the Rams new look.

Good plays; Play Matt and Marc, they will play well, play Steven and Shaun, they are top 5 backs. Play Holt and Curtis, wait on Bruce, he's still gimpy. Play Stevens, he's a big target and the Rams dont have someone to gaurd him in the redzone. I like Engram if the Rams go heavy zone, since Engram is really just a possesion guy. Joey J gets another start, so go with him, he's like a tight end for them. Sit both defenses, play both kickers. And watch the scoring go nuts.


This lady claims to be a professional



Zona at Detroit;

Both teams suck shaft. Really, can you imagine a worse matchup? Both teams have major QB issues. I have no idea why McCown isn't the unquestioned starter in Arizona. Fuck Warner. Yeah I'm sure he's a good character guy and what not, let him be that on the sidelines. Put in the talent and let your young QB develop or atleast see if he can be your future. Harrington on the other hand is done, stick a fork in him. He's a tool shed, a complete moop. I'd rather have Tim Couch, where the fuck is Couch anyway? With all these shitty QB's in this league you'd think a player of his pedigree could get a look. It would be really sad to have to hang out with Tim now, talk about a fall from grace. In any case the Lions are a mess. All that recieving talent hasn't done shit. Kevin Jones is looking more and more like a Barlow and less like a McGahee. Their defense can be solid at times, but is young and needs to mature. The Cardinals are a mess too, but thats expected. They have no running game, none. Larry emerging is a nice story, but the defense is the major story there. They were supposed to be much better, with additions to their secondary and another year in Greens system. Well that didnt work out. The team is decimated by injury on defense, but they suck regardless. I like the Cardinals, thats right, the flamers from phoenix will win.

Good plays; Fittz is a great play here, Bryant Johnson is a good bye/injury fill in. The Cards need a TE, that would open things up. Play the Lions defense, they are agressive if anything. The Lions have few plays here; Pollard is a good fill in player, Jones is hurt, and his back ups suck so stay away their. Maybe, if your in like a 16 team league, play Garcia, other than that this game will be gross and viewed only in two markets.

Minny at NYG;

Don't believe the hype. The Viking suck. So they crushed the Lions. Who gives a fuck? Some are saying that they still have a shot in that division, but they will not catch the Bears. All they'll catch is boat aids and scurvy. I hate Mike Tice. If any of you know me or read this crap, you know that I do not think highly of Baby Huey, he's a gorrilla with a clip board. Fire him now. The Vikings have some good players on both sides of the ball. They just have little direction. They need a hard nosed coach to come in and clean this mess up. That being said, the Giants are the surprise team of the NFC this year. They are young and talented on offense. Their defense is aging, but still has legs. They tend to give up big passes, but are stout in general on the run. They will have a feild day getting throught the porous Vikings O-line. This to me has blow out all over it. The Giants really believe in their scheme and are commited to get the division. They know that building a lead is crucial as they lead up to several division battles.

Good plays; Tiki has been hot and cold, but he's a safe bet here, Shock nuts is a beast, he's the second best fantasy tight end, Jacobs isnt a good play ever really, I mean in retrospect he gets his TDs, but you cant tell when theyll come, outside of touchdowns he's worthless. Eli will have a great day, as will Plax (he'll go nuts), especially since Smoot is out likely for the year. Toomer is a fine bye week play. Sit your Vikings, Moore was looking good for a minute but gorilla boy ruined that didnt he, Bennett is not a start this week either. Play both kickers and the Giants defense.


Washington at Tampa;

A few weeks back this game would be a top match-up. I never liked Tampa's team. They have a good defense, but are undersized and can be worn down if you keep them on the field. The Skins are a year ahead thanks to the play of Moss and Brunell. Word out of the capital is that Brunell was still hampered by a severe hamstring injury last year, and it affected his deep ball. Moss on the other hand was limited by the arm of Pennington and the game plan of Edwards. His production will not stop, he's gonna be a top 5 reciever. Tampa relied heavily on Caddy, and may have burnt him out super early. He had a 37 carry game, thats nearly two games of work in one. Gruden is a great coach, but needs to address his QB and offensive line to become a contender. I like the Skins to win a tough road game.

Good plays; Despite what I said about Brunell overall, he's not a great fantasy play here, Santana is, but Mark may have a tough time against the blitz. Play Portis for yards and receptions. Cooley is a reception play. Both defenses are plays, kickers as well. Galloway is the only good play in the Bucs offense, with Caddy looking shitty lately.


Houston at Indy;

Carr is gonna be under fire all day. Thats an understatment. The passing game actually has a little life now though. Gaffney played well in Johnson's absence. Now that Andre is back, look for the Texans offense to improve. Just not this week. If Davis starts though, he could play well. He has a great history against the Colts, and ran for 98 and a TD two weeks ago. Freeney is a monster, and the Houston line is ill equipped to counter the Colts pass rush. Even though I do see a pule in Houston, they are a defensive mess. The Colts offense is finding a perfect balance. I doubted the Colts for a long time. I still think a healthy Steelers team is gonna give them problems. But I have to admit that they are an excellent team. Dungy built that Tampa team and Gruden coached his players to a chip. The crazy thing is that a Manning super bowl doesen't seem so crazy anymore. The Colts will dominate, and put up big numbers.

Good plays; play all the Colts, even Stokely if you want, they will score and move the ball at ease, Edge will have great totals, but Manning may get the TDs this week. Play Davis or Wells, whoever starts is a good #2 option. Johnson is an ok bye week play, but be cautious, Carr may not be able to get it to him. Play the Colts defense.







Green Bay at Atlanta;

The Pack lick sack. They are not a good team at all. Favre battles and all that shit, but I really wish he would have retired last year, and left with a good year. The Packers are poorly coached and poorly managed. The team has major line issues on both sides. Favre is gone soon and Green is likely done in Green Bay. This game will be fairly close though. Favre will play well this week. He may turn it over a few times, but his arm will keep them alive. The Falcons are a dominant home team. That dome is loud, and the team is the fastest in the league. Despite Green Bay's success against the run this year, Dunn and Vick will gash them all day. The Falcons have a tough schedule coming up and know the wins will be needed.

Good Plays; Favre and Vick are both good starts, Dunn and Gado are also good plays, look at Finneran, if he has another good week it could be the start of something, Crumpler and Franks are good plays, Driver and Chatman are good looks, Ferguson is back but wont play every down, play the Atlanta defense for sacks, and play both kickers.


KC at Buffalo;

The Bills are a tough talented team. They need to open up their passing game. Hocolmbe isn't a bad QB. He was effective in Cleveland. In the future this offense could benifit from a pass catching tight end. For now they need to utilize Moulds in possesion and Evans deep. McGahee can be a work horse if you let him. The defense has suffered major injuries but they still boast one of if not the best secondary in the league. The Chiefs are eyeing the playoffs. The division is not out of reach. With Priest out for the rest of the season, Larry gets a chance to be a true feature back. He has 17 TDs in his past 16 games. So it's a little scary to think what he can do with all the touches. Tony G is waking up too. The team desperately needs Roaf back though, he's out again and it puts major stress on pass protection. This will be a good game. Both teams will put up numbers. I like KC in a close game that comes down to a field goal.

Good plays; McGahee and LJ are must plays, they will go nuts, Tony G and Kennison could get good receptions, but TDs are tough to get in Buffalo with those corners and safeties. Play moulds for receptions. Evans may play well but you cant trust him yet. Play both kickers.

Mid-Season Fantasy Awards;


It's already more than halfway through the fantasy season fellow nerds. Soon enough sports center will be plagued with hockey and baseball. Fear not, there is still a shit load of ball left. Here's a mid season review of the 05 season.

By position;
Fantasy's best so far;

• QB; Carson Palmer; 18 TDs-5 Ints, he's the only real gaurantee at QB so far.
• RB; LT; on pace for the most perverse stats ever; 36 total TDs, he has 3 passing TDs thats as many as the Jets have, 2000 total yards, and 60 catches.
  
• RB; Shauns on pace for about 2G and 28 TDs, all on the ground, he's a monster.
• RB; Edge, back in the mix in a major way, pace for 18 TDs and 2100 total yards.
  
• WR; Steve Smith; on pace for 1800 yards and 18 TDs, thats gross, thats more yards and TDs than Vick will produce.
  
• WR; Chad Johnson, he beats out TO since he's funny and not insane
• WR; Santana is the biggest surprise on the season so far, who thought Brunell had this in him
  
• TE; Gates, 96 rec. 1300 10 TD, thats all.
• TE; Shock nuts has established a solid career, Eli loves him and he'll be the target of many redzone looks over the years, expect a G in yards and 10 TDs, thats good for #2 easy.
  
• K; Neil Rackers, he's pretty absurd too; he's 26/26 and hits em deep often. 20 points ahead of his comp, Feely for the NYG is a dope kicker too, he is the only one close to Neil
  
• Def; Chicago, Indy is close, but the Bears have better personnel and a poor offense that offsets them.

Fantasy Honorable Mention; QB; Eli is a strong play now, Big Ben; when healthy is among the safest QB plays, Bledsoe and Brees are good looks so far, with Brees being a safe option, and finally in QBs Plummer has been a very safe and productive option, against his previous crackhead tendencies, Brunell has been strong. Holt is among the best in the league, maybe the best over a full season, but he was injured, Galloway and Larry Fittz are great surprises. Larry is supposed to be this good, Galloway is 34 and is now coming into his own as a complete reciever (blocking/routes etc). Marvin gets love, he's still a top option. Burress is one pramantis motherfucker. At RB; Steven Jackson and Thomas Jones have been great plays, Jackson is prime for a great second half. Stephen Davis is TD machine, with low yards and totals, but TDs are big. TE; Kinney is on pace for 86 catches and 800 yards, thats not expected, Troupe was supposed to be the Titans dope fantasy play. LJ Smith has been good but is downgraded due to his weak hands and loss of TO, I like Miller's TD production, and Cooley is a great reception TE. At defense the Giants and Bengals have been exceptional, and are every week plays for the rest of the season.

In baseball news, Billy Wagner looks worth a big raise after Uggie the arsonist
offers further proof to never work for a set-up man/closer in Venezuela, I've known that for years


Week 9 Review;

No one can do it better



waiver wire info

A fairly injury free week. The playoff teams are proving themselves as are the true fantasy stars. The Panthers, Falcons and Hawks are the class of the NFC. With the Steelers and Colts atop the AFC. Shaun, LT and Edge are studs. Especially LT and Shaun, they are money in the bank. LT shitted on those who said he was slowing down. Steve Smith is on pace to account for over 44% of his teams passing offense, thats absurd. Erron Kinney is quietly a top TE, on pace for over 80 receptions, he's this years Eric Johnson. Antonio Gates is nasty as fuck, he's on pace for 96 catches and 1400 yards, oh yeah, 10 TDs too. Thats top wide out production. I'll say it again, he's the absolute top at his position in real and fantasy, name someone close. Little known Samkon Gado (Green Bay) comes out of litterally no where and produces modest totals against the steel curtain. LJ just proved that all Priest Holmes owners should own him as well. Those who don't have LJ deserve to lose. Matt Hassleback continues to produce fantasy wise without a number 1 reciever, and without hair on over 80% of his dome. And who could forget Duce Staely? coming out diesel in the second half against a tough Green Bay rush defense (for real). He's worthy of a look, but be aware that they have eleven other running backs. Randy Moss is a huge risk play at this point. He is a decoy. Porter and Jordan are the two plays out of Oakland for now. Moss is just like last year, slow to heal, and refusing to sit out and allow healing. Good luck if you have him, I did last year and he pulled the same injury and the same bullshit. Gear up for the playoffs yall. They are looming. You have about a month to prepare, but you need to make some trades when your players value is high. Look at schedules, determine if your player(s) will produce in those matchups, or target those players who will likely produce. Call said owner of this player and badger the shit out of him till he gives it up. Always play the martyr role, tell them how much they're getting, and how little they're giving. Prey on the weak my friends. I do. (later this week I'll put up info on un/favorabel fantasy playoff schedules)



TO's new job




So overall it was a calm week in fantasy football. It was however a huge final week in the absolute fucking circus of TO. This situation extends way beyond it's fantasy implications. Terrell helped bring down a half a decades work. It's obvious that the Eagles have issues beyond TO's breadth, but his affect on the chemistry and focus of the team can not be over looked. Reid must be looked at too for answers; Why did Reid and Banner let Simon walk? he was the 6th overall pick in 2000, he is obviously a sought after talent in this league, and he walks for free. The tactics of this front office will come back to haunt them. You must be frugal, agreed. But why punish Simon and give him little to no time to settle? he's lucky that the Colts had such space. But in terms of Terrell; There was no other option left for Reid. But you have to ask yourself who created this situation? Who drafted Freddy Mitchell 10 picks earlier than Chad Johnson in 2001? think about that one. Who brought in this malcontent dick and expected him to reform (when Darrell Jackson was available at half the money)? Terrell Owens deserves much of the blame here. He is a grown man and a professional at the highest level of sport. But he is not alone. It never had to come to this. He went too far this offseason. The tough love shit came too late. What is so sad is that we as Philly and even NFL fans were able to see how potent 5 and 81 were on the field. When 5 dropped back, you could only imagine how open TO would be, you were disappointed when they didnt get a TD. You began to expect excellence. It's like giving a pakastani kid a kit kat and the simpsons for a few hours then beating him and sending him back to jerk off goats. I'd rather have never had it. It's like busting your nut in 91 seconds with that really hot girl in high school who happens to be your friends cousin (RBJ), and never getting a second turn. We witnessed 20 games played and 19Tds, nearly 2000 yards, thats sick. Fantasy wise TO was the #2 wr outside of Steve Smith. He put up prolific numbers constantly. He was so good. And it's all over now. Scramble to pick up Reggie Brown. In any good league he's gone by now. I have TO in one league, I offered him to the league for some tropical skittles and a free membership to my friends imaginary sex club. No takers. Not even skittles, the shitty green ones included. Terrell Owens will go down as the most hated man in Philly. Mitch Williams would send him flowers if he could afford too. Another sad week in Philly.

A side note; for as shitty as the birds have been all year. The Pats look like shit too. I know they've had majory injuries, but I look at TO as a major injury too. No one nationally calls attention to this. True, those bastards have mega jewelry to shut you up, but looking just at this season the Pats are 4-4 as well, and their defense looks like shit too. Just bringing that up.


The Birds really have shit on us this year



We as Philly fans truly believe we are cursed. The early 80's were our heyday. When Doc soared and Micheal Jack was secretly hated for being a star. Even the Eagles were good. Fuck that. Philly's heyday was the late 1700's. Shit's being going down hill in this town for 200+ years. A celebrity sighting these days is John Balaris or Glenn Hurricane Shitpants eating a hoagie. Back then it was the original George Dub macking sluts at the pub. So put it in perspective. We blew our load. It must have been fun. We used to be the shit. Now we are an NYC backlot were producers save money on permits. I love Philly. I don't mean to talk shit on it. It's being developed more and that's great, but fuck that sideways, just gimme something to talk shit about. A guy in an airport in Charlotte can look down at me sports wise. A ruffie dispensing tool in Tampa can tell me to eat nuts and I can't say much back. I just can't accept this losing anymore. It's not even hardcore you suck losing. It's semi competitive tease you with contention losing. It's winning game one in the NBA finals and proceeding to take it in the jaw at home. It's closing the Vet with Ronde Barber's gay dance. It's having the most prolific passing tandem next to Marvin and Manning and watching it implode. It's Philly yall. I have this sick drop of hope in me that tells me we will get it done one day. Maybe we will. Just not the Flyers, please. I mean fuck, I'll probably even go to that parade just because. Fuck you sports gods, eat diseased bull dick.

See Ken's not gay, he tips jacksons, a gay dude tips ones, not that i would know that or anything



A full week 10 preview is going up partially tonight, and in full tomorrow, along with an expose of the gay pirate look that several wideout strive for in the league

Had a tough week of work and school; I'll post all next week you sheep

Week 9 Preview; bye weeks ; Buffalo, Dallas, St Louis and Denver

Looks and Touches

look at this too, its a great waiver wire section


another civic victory for men everywhere


Most league playoffs begin in week 14, so start looking ahead at which players have un/favorable match-ups, if your team is strong and will make it to the playoffs, it never hurts to try to acqiure some players with favorable schedules. The fantasy playoffs are all matchup determined, the players who play weak defenses often give you the best chance to win it all. Keep that in mind as you make midseason acquisitions.



Atlanta at Miami;


Miami has been respectable this season so far. Saban has convinced the squad that late nights on south beach and head in the whip can wait till the offseason. Ricky is even clean. The defense is old but stubborn, and rarely lets the game get out of hand. The sad part is their QB play. Frerrote just isn't getting it done. This ATL line will eat him alive. The team has never made a sincere effort since Marino to groom a young QB. Saban has his eye on Schaub and Rivers I bet. Maybe even Brees. In any case, the Fins really arent that far from playoff contention. They need one reciever and a QB. The Falcons have a young stubborn defense. The best pass rush in the NFL hands down. A top duel threat backfield. And a complete athletic spazz at QB. Can you imagine the Falcons with Brees and LT? that would be sick with this defense. Vick wins often though, and that can't be discounted. Look for a sure win from the Falcons, who at this point, are the team to beat in the NFC.

Good Plays; Start Dunn, his speed and cutback vision will lead to big plays against the aging 3-4 of Miami. I like Vick to grab a TD in the air and ground, with a few to's in there too. Sit all Falcon recievers, for ever as long as Vick is here, and play Crumpler for a solid reception day. I like McMichael if for a TD and nothing else. He's slowed down a lot from his hot start. Ronnie Brown will go nuts, on a bend dont break run defense scheme in ATL. Since they lost Hartwell (mlb) they can't stop the run. Sit chambers and play both defenses and both kickers. Take a shower if it takes more than two wipes.


Carolina at Tampa;

In a pivotal division game, the Panthers look to donkey rape Chris Simms all day. The Bucs were an early season mirage. Signs of good things to come, not dominance now. They have an undersized but fierce defense. A strong running game can wear on them though. Simms isn't a good pressure QB. He was a star in college at Texas untill he ever faced a tough game; he would immediately sell his nuts to the highest bidder and blow the game. Major Applewhite was better yall. He's 6-5, lefty and the son of Phil, but that's not enough. He doesen't act like a pro QB when you see him out there. I like Carolina in a battle. They have a fairly deep running attack and their passing game has had times when it seems unstoppable. The Panthers line is too hungry for Simms to produce.

Good Plays; Play both defenses. I like Delhomme for two Tds and Smith for one of them. Davis will get in the endzone, but I still cringe at his yardage. Play Galloway till he shows otherwise, play Clayton for good totals, Simms will get some yards, but his interceptions will kill. Cadallac needs to prove he can carry the load again, they need him too more than ever, play him if you must.


Cinci at Bmore;

The Bengals need a win here. That sounds crazy at 6-2, but look at their schedule after next weeks bye. They play Indy, Bmore and Pitt in a row. Thats a lot of defense to overcome. They could emerge 8-5 if they lose this week. This is a season maker. They need to put down a confused angry Ravens team. Billick is the king of turdburgalars and will never address his offenses needs. That Super Bowl validated his pompous bullshit for 6 years, its gotta end soon. The Ravens remain a team with no room for error. Their offense often leaves soom room. Cinci wins because their secondary has been dominant all year. They've had 3 5 Int. games. Look for Baltimore to get ugly and run run run all day. Lewis and Taylor will be called all day. Cinci needs to run too. Trust Rudy and keep the playaction productive. Chad and the gang take this one and prepare for their first playoff run ever.

Good Plays; Play Jamal, he's been shitty but will produce this week. Chester may even get some Chris Perry type numbers, high receptions and such. Heap is not a top tier TE in fantasy, he gets solid totals but never a monster game. Play Mason since you must, he is always a reception threat atleast. Start Rudi and Carson, with Chad and TJ splitting looks, although Chad needs a TD to continue his shit talking. Play the Bengals defense and Stover.


what is a minnow shot? bear cum?



Detroit at Minny;

Two teams with dog shit QB play all year. Detroit has a young agressive defense and a talented coach to survive such play. Minny on the other hand, has the sausage king of chicago as it's coach and now Brad Johnson seems like a better play that Daunte. I mean, can Johnson possibly do worse than C-Pep? No. He will play well at times for the Vikings. The offense will now rely on Moor as a rusher and reciever, along with Wiggins and Robinson for possesion. The wild card being Burleson, if he steps up, this team isnt a total cluster fuck. The Lions will improve as an offense. Kevin Jones can run all day on the purple (the team not syrup, even though he is from coatesville). I like the Lions in a fairly close high scoring game. Harrington may actually start, which is a scary thought.

Good Plays; Roy Williams, if healthy can produce strong numbers in this game, I love KJones in this one, two tds and over a buck twenty. Look got Pollard to have a nice game. Wiggins and Moore will get a lot of looks in the short passing game. Johnson makes a weak play, but if you must he's better than Holcombe/Warner and those type. Play both kickers, and detroits defense.


Don't be scurred, bird sex is here

Week 8 Review;


Daunte has lots of time to BBQ now





Back from Bermuda bitches, let's talk football fuckers. Another major injury, albeit to the single most dissapointing player in fantasy; Daunte. He's done, for a whole calendar year atleast. We won't see him untill next november at the earliest. He tore his PCL, ACL and MCL, thats disguisting. Homeboys knee is spaghetti. Stick a fork in him fantasy wise till 07 possibly. That hurts. A promising rook in Chicago Mark Bradley done ripped his ACL out too. I swear this is the most ACL tears I've ever heard of in a season. You just need to look for that poor assholes back up or look to recover through trade or free agent luck.


This is Bermuda, I'm the guy with the keys in his hand


The Eagles and Redskins got blown off the field on Sunday. The Bronco's relented for a while, but were able to stink finger the Birds overall. The Skins are not a playoff team. They're competitive and have a solid defense, but they can not contend in a surprisingly tough NFC east. The AFC west is improving and starting to take form. The Chargers and Broncos are playoff teams, the Raiders and Chiefs will finish strong. The NFC north is the abolute basement of pro football. The playoff team out of their will be 8-8. Thats sad. The NFC south is diesel, with the Panthers playing well again and the Falcons as the best team in the NFC so far. The Bucs are a fraud and can't keep up, and the Saints are the Saints no matter what inspires them. The AFC south is the Colts and Jags only. The AFC east is the Pats to lose, with no other team a real threat to their perch. The AFC north is a solid division at the top, with the Steelers the top team in the AFC in my opinion, and the Bengals looking to make a wild card run. Finally the NFC west is a mutt race, whatever team does come out; either Seattle or St Louis, expect them to lose in the first round.


The Bears don't nessessarily blow, but their division does




Notes from Week 8;

• Gates asserted himself as the no doubt top tight end for years to come. He is the clearest number 1 at his position in fantasy. Who else is so much better than their peers?
  
• Steven Jackson is the 5th best RB in fantasy. The Rams now run the ball to win. I know Holt and Bruce and Bulger all return soon. But the Rams would be morons to pull back on such a great ground game. I see him continuing his production.
  
• Tiki looked great going for 200 on a tough running defense. He's a #1 RB again.
  
• Big Ben and Eli look very good for a long time coming, especially Ben, he just doesen't fuck up much. Philip Rivers makes a mean protein milkshake by the way.
  
• Ronnie Brown is the best rookie running back, he's been healthy and productive all year, no one else will be near his numbers.
  
• Heath Miller is a TD monster, he is on pace for 14. He'll get 10 and be rookie of the year.
  
• The Giants defense is among the best in fantasy, they've done it all year in nearly every stat category.
  
• Lamont Jordan is now a superstar in fantasy, he's going to finish in the top three.
  
• Joey Galloway and Kevin Cutis are both top 15 wr's for the whole season, thats a major surprise.
  

The Preview will be up tonight and tomorrow in segments. Deez N U Ts